We All Have Our Crosses To Bear

It's with a heavy heart that I must report that the above picture reflects the two activities on the agenda for today.

I know, I know, while most of you get the privilege, or I daresay, the joy of going to work today, I have to suffer through a day of golf and fishing.

It's not going to be easy. But I'll muddle through somehow. Not that I'm trying to rub this in by any means. Why that would make me a dickhead of the tallest order.

There will be some adverse conditions to overcome.

Such as:

1) The temperature. The forecast calls for a temperature of 76 degrees. Everyone knows that it's much, much better golfing weather when the temperature is 77 degrees.

2) Abundant sunshine. I may have to wear sunglasses to protect my eyes from the Sun's deadly rays, and deflect the reflection of abundant sunlight on what the weatherman called pristine and calm water conditions.

3) There are unwashed dishes in the sink. How will I ever be able to concentrate on hitting a good golf shot knowing that those dishes will languish there in the sink for an extra 8 to 10 hours?

4) How will I be able to enjoy the promised calm and pristine river conditions knowing that a load of laundry will have to wait an additional day to be done?

As you can see, it's not going to be all fun and games for me today.

Blogger Community Service Day

Yes, that blog title is totally made up.

But there's a blogger in my blog roll doing a wonderful thing for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation Ride To Cure Diabetes.

So I'd like all who hit this place up today to go here for details of an auction for this great cause.

Oh, and not only go there, but place a bid for some neat swag. Show some support for a good cause, and stuff.

I Can't Even Escape From The Worthless Co-Worker On A Day Off

I was off yesterday. It turned out to be a beautiful Fall day here. The type of weather you could do almost anything in. I chose to get some much needed crap done around the homestead.

I even defrosted the refrigerator here. Apparently it's been a long time since I've done that. I have a chest freezer I use for my freezing needs and basically ignore the freezer compartment in the fridge. But it couldn't be ignored any longer as it was getting hard to close the refrigerator due to the expansion of an Arctic Ice Shelf that had formed in this compartment. So we commenced a thawing out process here, with much success I might add.

(And yes, you can now add my name to the list of people responsible for playing a role in global warming with the loss of this ice shelf.

And no ladies, even I don't wonder any more why I'm single.)

In the midst of the domestic crap I was taking care of the phone rang. Since I can multi-task I had no problem answering it. Much to my chagrin it was the voice of the Worthless Co-Worker. Naturally it's a conversation to be shared as follows:

Worthless Co-Worker: What are you doing?
Me: Why are you calling?
Worthless Co-Worker: I was just wondering what you're doing today. I'll bet you're golfing. You're golfing, right?
Me: No.
Worthless Co-Worker: No really, you're golfing right?
Me: No, I'm busy around home trying to get some stuff done.
Worthless Co-Worker: So when you're done you're going golfing, right?
Me: No.
Worthless Co-Worker: Seriously?
Me: Seriously. Now what do you really want?
Worthless Co-Worker: I can't believe you're not golfing. You always go golfing on your days off.
Me: Uh, no I don't and focus here Alicia, what do you want?
Worthless Co-Worker: I can't believe this.
Me: Even Tiger Woods doesn't golf every day Alicia. If he did he probably wouldn't have been banging half the women he did over the last couple of years causing his marriage to crumble.
Worthless Co-Worker: That's gross.
Me: By all accounts, some of them were. Now exactly why are you calling me?
Worthless Co-Worker: I just lost ten dollars is all. I can't believe you're not golfing.
Me: Bummer.
Worthless Co-Worker: I bet (store manager) that you'd be golfing today. He took me up on the bet. So now I'm out ten dollars.
Me: That changes things. Because there's ten dollars at stake I'm going golfing.
Worthless Co-Worker: Sure you are, now you're just teasing me.
Me: Nope, not even a little bit. I'm going golfing. I'll provide pictures if needed.
Worthless Co-Worker: You just made my day!!!!
Me: I'm happy to hear that. Can you put (store manager) on the phone?
Worthless Co-Worker: Are you going to rub this in?
Me: Oh yeah, there will be some definite rubbing in when this little shindig wraps up.

(Passing of phone occurs.)

Me: Hey, sorry to ruin your bet but I'm going golfing.
Store Manager: Aw, c'mon, do you really want her to win this bet?
Me: Just this one time yes.
Store Manager: I thought we were friends?
Me: We are. And since I know you pay your debts I had to do this. That silly little girl has owed me ten dollars for months. So let her know she won, but no money for her, because she owes me that money. We'll settle up tomorrow.
Store Manager: You should see her right now. She's dancing around the store, laughing, sticking her tongue out at me even.
Me: I'll let you decide how long you want to let her carry on before you drop this bomb on her.
Store Manager: You want to talk to her again?
Me: Nope.
Store Manager: You know, even though I'm losing out here, this is going to be worth it. I can't wait to tell her this.
Me: I knew you'd come around and see the benefit of this. See you tomorrow afternoon.

So, how many of you made ten dollars on your day off by simply putting in nine holes of golf?

I Have To Admit I Laughed

Working in a mall setting can be interesting at times. You see a wide range of people from extraordinarily normal to extraordinarily bizarre. What I saw on Sunday gave me a flashback to the movie "What's Eating Gilbert Grape."

And as the blog post title infers, I laughed.

On some level this makes me a bad person in this instance. While there was humor in the situation, the cause of said humor was pathetic. I'm trying to justify laughing as a defense trigger when you see something bizarre, disgusting, and sad all rolled up in one package. Laughing was a cover for the revulsion I felt.

So where is this going, huh?

There is a store located directly across from us that caters to shoppers of the female persuasion. It's not a store for the petite shopper, at least if they're shopping for themselves.

(Man, there's just no way to come out of this looking good for me is there? I'm truly not trying to offend anyone with a weight issue.

Scout's honor!)

But a weight issue was the crux of the problem.

A woman entered the store, unseen by me at the time, looking to add to her wardrobe. Apparently things went downhill rather quickly when the store didn't have her size in stock. And that's when I saw her. She was furious, and loud.

She accused the staff at the store of hiding clothes that would fit her in the stockroom. She berated them for being too lazy to help her. They were conspiring against her in her own words. Lawsuits were threatened. She. Was. Totally. Out. Of. Control.

She was biggest person I've seen in real life. I've seen a few television shows with the bedridden obese person and that's what came to mind to me. I was amazed that she was capable of being mobile in all honesty. And I laughed, but it wasn't funny. It was horrifying in a sense.

Yet I laughed.

And now I feel bad about it.

Security was called and this just sent this lady higher into orbit. She started to swing her arms at them in an attempt to hit one of them. (This is actually when I laughed.) Every time she swung her arms her body twisted 180 degrees and I thought she'd eventually fall. Thankfully that never happened.

The police were called. The lady was actually arrested. Disturbing the peace and assault charges pending from what I've gathered. She was taken to jail in her own vehicle. A specialty type of van to accommodate her. Her companion, who brought her to the mall, had to drive to the police station with an officer aboard the vehicle. Because of this rather unusual arrest a total of four police vehicles were used in this arrest. Two were in front of the van, two were behind the van, as she was taken to jail. All in the name of safety I was told.

And the saddest part of this? This lady has shopped at this store for years. But never in person. The store manager told me this was her first appearance in the store. This lady was well aware that her size of clothing wasn't stocked in the store. They always accommodated her by special orders, which probably aren't going to happen any more by the sound of things.

The staff at this store were shell-shocked. Both the manager and the other lady working there yesterday stated they've talked to her on the phone numerous times in the past when she ordered clothes. She was always pleasant to deal with over the phone apparently.

So now I sit here wondering what possessed this woman to do this. I'm also sitting here wondering what possessed me to laugh as well. The situation was bizarre, but truly not funny, now that I've had time to reflect on it. Just very sad.

The Continuing Saga Of The Worthless Co-Worker

With the mess at the homestead here I've neglected sharing news from the Worthless Co-Worker. I'm happy to report on arriving home from work last night to find all flooring work was completed here. I stayed up late and now have the place practically back to normal.

(Apologies to the folks living directly above me for running the vacuum cleaner at 1:00 am. While I know you don't care about bothering me with slamming your deck doors shut at 3:00 am every day this past Summer, this really wasn't payback for that. What I'm actually apologizing for is the fact that you couldn't see the smile I was wearing while vacuuming. The apology also encompasses the whistle you probably couldn't hear over the sound of the vacuum cleaner. The tune I was whistling was "Whistle As You Work" in case you find this blog and read this.)

Anyway.... back to the Worthless Co-Worker.

I don't think I've shared with you that she found God. Where he was hiding hasn't been ascertained, but she's certain she's got Him located. Worthless Co-Worker, like all people I know who've "found" God, can't help themselves and feel the need to preach at every sinner they encounter.

The following conversation and actions took place earlier this week. While not word for word the gist and accuracy is close:

Worthless Co-Worker: Have you seen how that girl dresses next store?
Me: Yes, I make it a point to see that as often as possible.
Worthless Co-Worker: It's disgraceful! She shows too much skin. Somebody needs to tell her how inappropriate she looks.
Me: I'm sure you're up to the task.
Worthless Co-Worker: If nobody else will I will.
Me: Have at it Super Girl. We're pretty slow right now and if that would make you happy feel free to tell her now.
Worthless Co-Worker: I'm not kidding. She needs to be told. Don't think that I won't do it.
Me: Fine. As I said we're slow, it'll get you out of my hair, so if this is something God wants you to do I wouldn't ignore it. I've heard God doesn't like being ignored.

And that's all it took. Invoking God into the conversation convinced her that this is what God wanted, nay demanded, of her. She marched into the back room of the store to find her Bible and off she went.

I can't tell you anything specific about their conversation. I can tell you it was relatively short though. Worthless Co-Worker was back in less than five minutes, subdued, and on the verge of tears. I've never laughed so hard in my life.

(And that's probably why she wouldn't divulge what was said.)

And the girl who works next to us? A very sweet girl that I'm acquainted with. She and my daughter graduated from high school together a few years ago.

And her attire? She dresses nicely and most people wouldn't entertain the thought that it's inappropriate. Worthless Co-Worker's real problem with this girl is that this girl is very pretty and simply looks great in anything she wears. Nothing shows that shouldn't be seen.

I'm sure I'll hear how this conversation went some day. Either the girl herself will tell me when we run into each other, or my daughter will tell me the next time they get together. If so, and I remember, it'll probably find its way in here in the future. I'm thoughtful like that.

Sigh

It takes so very little to make me happy. I'm basically a very content person. No huge mood swings. No temper tantrums. I don't panic and I'm probably best described as level headed and simplistic.

(Simplistic shouldn't be confused with simple though. I have skills. I can count past 10 without removing my shoes. I always place shoes on the correct foot. I can even tie my shoes, in double knots, if that's called for, and my socks always match. Feel free to revel in my brilliance. These are just a few of the complicated skills I've conquered.)

But I have to confess that I'm disappointed right now. I dare say saddened with the state of affairs around here.

As some of you know it's been a mess here at the homestead. A mess that was supposed to be wrapped up yesterday. But no, definitely not wrapped up.

I drove home from work last night with the same anticipation kids reserve for Christmas morning. I knew when I got home that the carpet replacement was going to be finished. And I was looking forward to getting furniture back where it belonged. Instead I unpacked the packed away computer so I could write this whiny-ass post.

(It's all about you folks, because I know I can turn to you in a crisis for the proper support, and stuff.)

Anyway.

As I entered the door I was struck by the bareness of the floor. I even blinked a couple of times to no avail. Carpet replacement wasn't completed. Then I saw a piece of paper on the kitchen counter. A piece of paper that wasn't there when I left for work. So I shuffled over to see what was written on it. It was a note from the building manager/maintenance dude and read:

"Carpet people didn't come today."

Well gee-effin-golly-whiz. Without that note how would I have ever figured that out on my own?

A few thoughts crossed my mind, in no certain order, such as:

1) Well that's good to know, because without this note I might have thought they did come and simply drank all of my beer.

2) I must remember to thank him for the note and assuming that I needed help in figuring out that they weren't here.

3) When the eff are they coming? This must be classified information and I've been cut off of the "need to know" list.

I dunno. Maybe since I'm not a simple person and he knows how important and busy I am he's just sparing me from mundane little details. Who really wants to know this type of stuff anyway?