Well, She's Back

As many some a few of you may remember we lost the Worthless Co-Worker in November of last year to true love..... or so she thought any way.

She ran off to Israel with this guy she met on the internet to get married in some type of old fashioned Jewish wedding. (Never mind that neither of them were Jewish.)  They met in person for the first time at Thanksgiving last year and a week later flew off for this wedding extravaganza in Israel.

Apparently they ran out of money and somehow decided that maybe a wedding was a bad idea as well. So back home they came and she moved to New Mexico to live with him. That lasted about three weeks and he threw her out declaring "she was the devil." She then moved in with a friend she met down there, which apparently didn't go so well either.

The only things she owned at the time were her clothes and an old car as she sold all of her worldly goods to run off to Israel to get married. So here she was broke, jobless, and not really too welcome in New Mexico last winter and spring.

In the mean time, we were short handed at work, for a comically long period of time. From November of last year until August of this year as a matter of fact. Oh we were able to get a few people hired but they never lasted more than a few weeks. (One of them lasted a total of 3 days.)

Last May the Worthless Co-Worker had finally managed to save enough money to get back to Wisconsin for one of her sister's wedding, still planning on returning to New Mexico afterwards for some reason. Again, she ran out of money while back here so she had just a suitcase of clothes with her. The bulk of her clothes and car were back in New Mexico.

She moved into another sister's place and took on some type of door-to-door job. (Selling cable/internet packages I believe on a bike for transportation.)

As an aside, this post is taking a long time to type. I think eating chili for breakfast is having something to do with that. At least it's what I'm going to blame it on. I'd like to also tell you that the chili was mighty tasty and a two bowl event. (Yeah, you might not want to hang out with me later today as it works it way through my system, just saying.)

Any way....

In August she finally had enough money to fly to New Mexico to get her car and clothes. She was gone for about a week to do this and lost her door-to-door job. She failed to mention that she was taking this trip to her employer and they terminated her. She thought this was very unfair of them, naturally.

So here it was August, her unemployed, us short handed. A very bad combination. She convinced the boss, and his new boss, how much she had grown up and she was going to be the consumate team player if she were rehired. Both of them bought into this fantasy.

(You know, now that I've had time to think about it, I've been very unfair in blaming the chili for the length of time this post is taking me to type. I think it may be the fact that I've got to go outside of the building to smoke. I'm pretty sure that's the hindering factor here.)

Where was I any way?

Oh.....

So she was hired. She's been nothing but trouble once the 30 day probation period ended in September. We'll definitely get into more details but more groundwork needs layed. Remember, I mentioned the boss has a new boss himself a few paragraphs ago. That plays a factor in all this as well and since this post is long enough as it is (and you have to recall I like cliffhangers as well) the next post will delve into that.

What? Like that's a surprise? Pfft....

I'm Alive

Greetings.... to anyone who still wanders in here.

What's a six month absence between friends, huh?

Last May, the 22nd to be exact, a tornado ripped through the homestead here and leveled the place.

Fortunately I was at work and missed out on the excitement.

But.....

I was temporarily homeless, bunking with my son and his wife while this place was rebuilt. Most household items were lost/damaged. What I was able to salvage was packed away -- mostly electronics. Everything else had to be replaced.

So now I'm home and very happy to be here.

Hopefully I'll be able to get around to your blogs soon. I just wanted to post this quick little post for now.

Just Shut Up Pakistan

Under normal circumstances a military raid in another country isn't the best option without it being a joint operation, or at least a "heads up" to the country itself.

That's under "normal" circumstances.

Osama bin Laden resided in that Pakistani compound for years. Personally I find it hard to believe there weren't factions in Pakistan who knew, and withheld this information from us. Perhaps it's possible Pakistan didn't know.

Perhaps.

Regardless, their complaints are not falling on deaf ears, but not sympathetic ears from my stand point.

If we find out there was Pakistani government or military involvement in hiding him I for one will not call for the United States to quit sending aid to Pakistan.

No......

I suggest a huge "aid package" be delivered, by bombers.

Fox News Once Again Exposed As Incompetent and Biased

Bill O'Reilly and Fox Faux News saw the need to prove the protests in Wisconsin against Gov. Walker and his push to eliminate collective bargaining rights were violent. He presented a video which did show some violence and pushing by protesters. The video also showed palm trees in the background as well. The last I heard it's awfully hard to get palm trees to grow in Madison, WI though. (Gotta love the protesters sense of humor in the above picture to ridicule Fox Faux News and O'Reilly today in Madison.)

Naturally Fox Faux News also doesn't believe in global warming so to pass this off as a true and factual video blows that concept out of the water as well. I guarantee you that no one could argue global warming if Madison had palm trees lining the streets there. I guess they figure it's a fair trade off to lie and malign the protesters and accept global warming as a truth.

Random Crap

1) I've become obsessed with the weather lately. Every morning when I fire up the computer I check the weather and look for one thing. While most people look for the actual forecast and temperature setting first, that isn't what I'm focused on. What I've been looking at is the sunrise and sunset times and we've finally hit an important milestone. Why it's important to me isn't entirely logical, nor really explainable either.

We've crossed a thresh hold now that there is 11 hours (plus) between sunrise and sunset. Trust me when I say it's important and it makes me feel better. Yesterday disappointed me when I was anticipating getting to this all important milestone only to see we were one minute short. One lousy minute short. I cursed February 25th and it's shortcoming in this area.

2) Toddler speak isn't my forte. Yesterday was my granddaughter babysitting gig day. It's honestly one of the best days of the week for me. She's two-years-old now and is a lot of fun. For the most part she speaks very well and I understand pretty much everything she's saying. Except yesterday. This is what I kept hearing all afternoon yesterday:

"Pa Pa, I want cuckcold."

I never figured out what she wanted. My son got home from work and the first thing out of her mouth to him was "Daddy, I want cuckcold." He asked me if she'd had any chocolate milk that day. When I said no, because I didn't have a clue what she was asking for, he just laughed and got her a glass of "cuckcold milk."

3) Is Charlie Sheen as big a douchebag as I think he is? While I've never watched his sitcom I can only applaud the CBS decision to shut it down. Hopefully they'll move on without him and the other cast and production members of the crew don't suffer too much due to his over sized ego. I'd like to see him and Lindsay Lohan hook up just in the interest in saving two other people from disaster.

4) Glen Beck compared Reformed Judaism to Islamic Extremism, then apologized when he was informed that was blatantly a bad thing. (I say he was informed simply because he's not bright enough to figure out for himself how stupid his commentary was.)

But he'll be just fine as it's Fox Faux News, which really isn't into accurate reporting anyway, and the people who tune into his show are morons of the lowest form who eat up everything that he spews as their Gospel.

5) I think I'm going to go back to bed. Why I decided to wake up at a little after 3:00 am today is a bit baffling. I suspect it had something to do with item #1 though. That's how oddly obsessed I've been with the sunrise/sunset thing lately. But I have to work later today and 3 hours of sleep isn't going to cut it.

Night, night.

Just Random Ridiculous Crap

1) The lure of plastic, as in a credit card, seems to know no bounds to some people. First Premier Bank offers a credit card to people with less than stellar credit. It's a credit card with a typical credit limit set at $300.00 and an interest rate of 79.9%. There's also fees of $135.00 per year to own the card as well. The fees include $45.00 to open the account, an annual fee of $30.00 the first year, and a monthly fee of $6.25 for the pleasure of having this card. (The annual fee goes up the second year.)

Oddly enough (to me at least) this card has proven very popular to people. The CEO of First Premier Bank said while the card was popular the majority of people who had one ran it up to the credit limit, then defaulted on it. (Big surprise there, huh?)  A person can have several opinions or thoughts about this I guess. Two come to mind here. One being, how desperate do you have to be to want a credit card with an interest rate of 79.9%? The other thought is that a large default rate isn't surprising to me. I would think most people who would accept a card with this interest rate and fees probably have little to no intention of paying their bill. I can't feel sorry for the bank though. I'm sure the minority who do actually pay on time still allow this bank to swing a profit.

2) In regard to my last post -- the silly little mall marketing girl was terminated. (Almost forgot about that.)

3)  The last few days of work have been strange. I've had random high school and college aged girls who work in the mall randomly greet me when they see me at work. Some of the girls I know, some I don't. The weird part of the greeting is the word "Dad" they've thrown into their "hi's" and "hello's." All I get is a big smile and no explanation from them when I ask them why the "Dad" is thrown in there.

I ate lunch with Jackie today and when I told her about this she about died with laughter, then refused to tell me what the hell was going on until we were about done eating. A few years ago the girls who worked in the mall decided to take a poll about who was the creepiest guy who worked in the mall. Over the years this poll has taken on quite a new life and now they vote using several categories describing guys in the mall. Some flattering, some not so much as far as the categories goes.

I won the home away from home "Dad" award for some reason. My boss won the "Flirt" award. The "Creep" award was won by the guy who I've always referred to as "ex-convict" who works for the Gold Buyer's kiosk. He's a combination thug, wannabe gang banger I've marveled at keeping his job. Some of the other categories were "Old Pervert", "Hot Guy", "Geek", etc....

When I asked Jackie how she voted she said she didn't get to vote. Apparently this is confined to the younger generation. She just happened to have a couple of college girls working for her this year in her store and knew about the results because of this. She did say had she been able to vote the proper category for me was not listed that she'd use. Apparently "Pain In The Ass" wasn't a category. Given our history, I can't argue with that one I guess.

Silly girls anyway..... and there better not be any child support involved in this or I'm going to ask for a recount or new election. Of course with my luck, if I were to complain I'd probably get recast as the "Old Pervert." Maybe I'll just grin and bear it for now.

Bow-legged Shuffle And A Missed Ride

Kids of every generation wear clothes that befuddle us old folks. Weirdly dyed hair, piercing of body parts not meant to be pierced occur, tattoos that are a bit much, and other oddities. For the most part I just shake my head in amusement quite frankly.

(Although apparently I'm not always amused. I remember my son coming home one night about 8 years ago when he was nineteen with blue hair. I do recall not saying anything though. As he walked into the living room and glanced over at me I apparently didn't hide my dismay very well. He also misinterpreted my look of dismay as one of anger because his first words were, "Dad, don't worry, it washes right out and I'm going to wash it out right now." I never uttered a word in response. I can say I think back on that night with amusement now though.)

There is one fad, or style, if you will, that seems to defy running its course though. (The use of the term style is used loosely here. The term running plays a role here though.) That's the wearing of pants hanging down somewhere between the bottom half of one's ass and one's knees. 

It seems like the first time I saw young guys running around with their pants hanging off their asses was about 10 years ago. I remember thinking how ridiculous this latest "fad" or "style" was and that it couldn't last long. Apparently it has endured though because young guys still run around wanting to show us their boxers, or lack thereof of undergarments.

Watching them try to walk a straight line amuses me. They all invariably have to wear a belt cinched tightly to keep the pants somewhat held above their knees and can't actually walk placing their feet directly in front of them. Their feet have to shuffle forward, placed about a foot to the outside of their shoulders, to keep their pants from falling down around their ankles. Trying to run had to be hilarious, but until Sunday I hadn't seen that feat attempted.

I was standing outside Sunday at work taking a smoke break. The mall exit I do this by also serves as the bus stop exit. As I was standing out there the city bus was there and it was the last bus of the day coming/leaving the mall. As the bus started to pull away a young guy burst out of the mall and started running after the bus. At first I thought there was something wrong with the kid and he had some kind of disability by the way he was running. His legs were splayed way out to the right and left of him as he "shuffled" after the bus. His pants were losing altitude as the bus faded from my view, as well as his view. He finally gave up the chase, with his pants now located below his knees. 

I wasn't laughing just yet though. Plenty of other people were though. He then started to shuffle back to the mall trying to pull his pants back up. This effort caused me to laugh. He kept yanking at them and they wouldn't come up over his knee area. Apparently the belt was cinched so tight he had to stop and release the belt buckle, then the pants nose dived around his ankles, with him then holding the belt in his hand as it slipped out of the belt loops in his pants completely. I had tears running down my face as he stood there with his pants down around his ankles and a belt dangling in one hand.

As he commenced his walk of shame shuffle back to the mall entrance I noticed he was a tad upset. Missing the last bus I surmised could do that I thought. Compounding that with the fact that I was still laughing encouraged him to threaten me with an "ass kicking" as well as he shuffled up to the mall entrance. Stupid kid. All this did was to get me laughing much harder at him. When I informed him threats from a kid who couldn't keep his pants up weren't to be taken seriously he muttered a few curse words at me and went back into the mall.

Gee, I sure hope he found a ride home.

So I Dated Loni Anderson

I got a little more exposure to the new guy we hired last Monday yesterday. The first couple of weeks of a new hire's life is one I'm not exposed to much quite frankly. For one, the newbie works exclusively with the boss for training purposes. Two, the boss doesn't want the newbie to pick up my bad habits, at least immediately.

He seems like a likable kid, and has a girlfriend who works in the mall as well. Yesterday was a slow day in the mall. Freezing rain kept most sane people off the road and at home. The boss, newbie hire, and I were just shooting the breeze when the newbie's girlfriend comes into the store on her break.

Gullibility ensued.

She walks up to me and introduces herself as Loni, states how much she's heard about me, and how pleased she is to meet me. Nice girl, but very gullible, along with newbie hire being gullible as well. The conversation is as follows:

Newbie Girlfriend: (walking up to me) Hi! I'm Loni, (newbie hire's girlfriend)
Me: Hi back. Weird, you're only the second person named Loni I've met in my life.
Newbie Girlfriend: Really?
Me: Yup.
Boss: Hey JPT, why don't you tell (Newbie Hire and Loni) about the first Loni you met.
Me: I don't think they'd be interested quite frankly.
Boss: C'mon, sure they would.
Newbie Girlfriend: Sure we would! I can't believe I'm the only second Loni you've ever met.
Newbie Hire: You might as well tell her about the first Loni, she 's just going to wonder how it's possible you've only met one before her.
Me: Huh.
Boss: Go ahead JPT. They'll be amazed by this one.

(Now the boss is just goading me on and wants a joke to be played here. I'm more than willing to play along at this point.)

Me: Well, the first Loni I ever met was Loni Anderson.
Newbie Girfriend: Are you kidding me?
Newbie Hire: Seriously?
Me: Wow, I'm impressed you know who that is. I figured you two were too young to know who that is.
Boss: Tell them the whole story.
Newbie Hire: Whole story?
Boss: He didn't just meet her. He knows her very well.
Newbie Girlfriend: You actually know her?
Me: Yup.
Newbie Girlfriend: Oh my gawd! You actually know a celebrity?
Boss: He sure does.
Newbie Girlfriend: That is awesome! How'd you ever meet her?
Me: Well, she's from Iowa (not really) and I lived there for several years (really) and we met at the state fair back in 1981.
Newbie Hire: Loni Anderson and you met at a fair?
Boss: They did, he's got pictures to prove it.
Newbie Hire: Seriously?
Me: Yup. She was doing some TV promo and I ended up getting a picture taken with her while she was there.
Newbie girlfriend: So you ended up being friends with her because of a picture?
Boss: Just tell them the whole story. You guys will be amazed.
Newbie girlfriend: There's more?
Me: I guess there's a little more.
Newbie Hire: Like what?
Boss: He dated Loni Anderson for almost a month.
Newbie Girlfriend: You've got to be kidding!
Me: It was only for about three weeks.
Newbie Hire: You dated Loni Anderson? How did a picture turn into a date?
Me: It wasn't just a picture. She's a huge fan of ferris wheel rides. I ran the ferris wheel that year at the fair.
Newbie Hire: You worked at the fair?
Me: That's just one of the jobs I've held. I gotta tell you, carnies get a bad rap.
Newbie Girlfriend: You were a carny?
Me: Not a full fledged one, but I operated the ferris wheel that year and Loni Anderson and I talked for a bit while she was waiting in line for a ferris wheel ride.
Newbie Girlfriend: That is so bizarre!
Me: It is, now that I think about it.
Newbie Hire: So how did this all turn into you dating her.
Me: When she got off the ferris wheel she asked me when I got off work. Jokingly, I told her any time she wanted me to. She then asked me if I'd like to go to dinner with her that evening and I said yes. That's basically how it started.
Newbie Hire: I'm not sure I believe this.
Me: Whatever.
Boss: I can tell you it's true. He has several pictures of them together doing a lot of things and in a lot of different places.
Newbie Girlfriend: So what happened?
Me: Well she was between a marriage and before hooking up with Burt Reynolds, who's an asshole by the way. I was simply a fling for her. A boy toy if you will. You have to remember I was only 21 and she was about 14 years older than me.
Newbie Hire: So, did you and her....?
Me: C'mon now. That's not the kind of thing I'd talk about.
Boss: They sure did!!
Me: Thanks boss.
Newbie Girlfriend: Wow, just wow! That had to be an exciting time in your life I'll bet.
Me: Some would say intoxicating.
Newbie Girlfriend: So what happened to end this?
Me: Burt Reynolds.
Newbie Girlfriend: No wonder you think he's an asshole!
Me: No wonder indeed.

That pretty much ended the conversation. Newbie hire and his girlfriend decided to go eat lunch. The boss and I chuckled quite a bit while Newbie hire was gone. I'm sure one of these days I'll have to explain to these gullible people that while it's true I've only met one other Loni in my life, it was my ex-sister-in-law, who was not Loni Anderson by any means. We'll see how long we can string them along though before that happens.

An Open Letter To Dennis Kucinich

Dear Dennis,

I feel your pain.

Really.

I've bitten into food and discovered something amiss as well. But I manned up, unlike you. The thought never crossed my mind to sue over a cracked tooth, especially to the tune of $150,000.00. I am curious about several things. Since this dastardly event happened almost three years ago, why the wait? Who determined the value of a cracked tooth at $150,000.00? Have you always been a wimp?

Unlike many Americans you, as a Democratic U.S. member of Congress, have excellent health insurance. No doubt this was adequately covered and the cracked tooth was taken care of, because shit like this happens in real life. Olives have pits Dennis, and an occasional one can slip through in a sandwich, to wreak the apparent horror you went through when you bit into that sandwich wrap a few years ago.

Only self-entitled wimps would consider suing the restaurant over this. Now had the dentist mutilated your mouth repairing your tooth I may have seen a lawsuit as a viable option. Since you're suing the restaurant and not the dentist I'm assuming he did a bang up job of putting that fake smile all politicians possess back on your face.

Your suit contends that among the things you lost are significant pain, suffering, and loss of enjoyment. What joy has been lost Dennis? What acts of enjoyment went missing in your life. I'm sorry to say some less than desirable acts come to mind here Dennis. Some of those acts, which perhaps you can no longer wrap your mouth around, are ones that I wish I wasn't wrapping my mind around. We'll just let it go at that Dennis.

Fair or not Dennis, democrats have a reputation for being soft on many issues. So thanks for confirming this in your own wimpy-ass fashion. I'm sure the state of Ohio is proud to have you serving their interests right now, as little as politicians seem to serve their constituents these days anyway.

In closing, should you ever consider a move to another state and want to represent them in Congress, I fervently wish to discourage you from a move to Wisconsin. We have enough of our own inadequate representatives in Congress as it is. We don't need to add a wimp into the mix.

Sincerely,

Just Plain Tired

Link to news article.

Because You Never Know What Offends

Sports fans can be a nutty bunch. Not all of them, nor even a majority of them, but enough to cause logical people to pause and wonder what is wrong with people.

A Chicago area car salesman was fired for wearing a Green Bay Packers tie yesterday to work. From everything I've read and seen that is the only reason given for being fired. The owner of this car dealership said he feared backlash from customers and the Bears organization due to past promotions involving the Bears.

Sadly there's about as much validity, as there is lameness, involved with this decision. Should the guy have been fired? Probably not. Was he asked first to remove the tie, and refused? That I don't know. From a personal standpoint if I had been the guy's boss, or the owner of said car dealership, he probably wouldn't  have been fired.

From a business standpoint the salesman himself is wrong as well. He shouldn't be, but he is. (That makes sense, huh?) From a business standpoint the tie had to go though.

I've been in sales for a number of years. One of the first things I was taught was that you never know what can offend someone, so you don't wear any apparel sporting any type of logo, or verbiage, that can scuttle a potential sale. Seems silly, but sadly it's true. (Wearing logo from the company you actually work for is allowed naturally.) I've witnessed salespeople thrown out of nutty sports fans homes because they were wearing a shirt sporting the name of the team the home owner despises. Nutty sports fans buy things. Businesses do want their money.

My boss got a taste of this yesterday as well. In the four years I've known him he's been a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan. Every winter he's worn a heavy winter coat sporting that team logo. We live in Wisconsin and now that the Packers and Steelers are going to the Super Bowl all the nutty Packer fans are out in force. He ran our store's bank deposit over to the bank and received a ration of crap and name calling over the coat. Some good natured comments, but some down right nasty and threatening.

He went to leave work yesterday and we were standing at the front of the store shooting the breeze when a middle-aged couple walked past us. They stopped and asked him if he thought it was wise to wear that coat. They also assumed he wasn't from here. Once they heard he lived here and managed this store their comment was that they'd never shop at our store while he was employed here. That's how nutty some people are, and sadly businesses can't afford to alienate them. Or won't.

Now if I were the boss, would I leave this coat at home and wear another coat? No. If he had worn a tie, or shirt with a team logo, that would be different though. We actually have a company dress code which covers this, so it's not an issue. It's understood upfront, as silly as it may seem to be. And, from a business standpoint it makes sense sadly. But it's still a shame that people act this way over something as inconsequential as this.

Getting back to the car salesman in the Chicago area. He was offered, and accepted, another job at a different dealership today. He probably shouldn't have been fired in the first place. But while another place of business did hire him, I'm willing to bet they have a dress code in place which prohibits the tie from being worn, because they may despise this type of nutty behavior by sports fans, they still want their business.

Crap like this personally drives me insane, but I've accepted it as a part of doing business. My livelihood is based on making sales. It's simply safer and wiser to dress accordingly. Why invite more nuttiness in the sales process than necessary? We already have enough fruit loops enter the store as it is to deal with who act like idiots. I already deal with enough of them without adding nutty spots fans into the equation. My tolerance gets tested enough as it is, because I don't tolerate idiots very well.

Absurdity Runs Amok

Absurdity is in these days. (Some people, including myself, may actually substitute the word stupidity for absurdity in many cases.)

While I'm a sports fan there's no way the football game between the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers is worth the money people are shelling out to attend this game in Chicago today. Tickets that normally sell for $134.00 are now selling, and being gobbled up, for as much as $2000.00.

These people are going to pay up to $2000.00 for three to four hours of sitting out in the cold, in less than stellar seating I might add, from the report I read. It's a shame that people with that much disposable income can't find a better way to spend that money in my opinion.

This is a game I wouldn't mind seeing myself. From the comfort of my home that is, and for free, with a better view of the action as well. Instead, I'll be working today, which pays the bills around here and puts food on the table. While I fervently favor one team in this game, my life is going to be just fine, no matter the outcome of the game. I just don't see the logic of shelling out that kind of money when so many better things could be done with it. Every person shelling out this amount of money would still be able to see the game, in more comfortable surroundings, and do some good by donating this money to a good cause.

Justin Bieber gets a haircut every two weeks. This probably isn't a great revelation in itself. It's the cost of the haircut that's truly insane. This kid shells out $750.00 every two weeks for a trim. The kid has a classic bowl cut in every picture I've seen of this over hyped phenomenon.

I'm a fan of a decent haircut myself. Cost Cutters or Master Cut sees me about once a month and I've never been upset with any cut I've received to date. Bieber lays out more money in one month than I do in five years for a hair cut. Another case of disposable income run amok.

I saw an article the other day that has people debating whether Obama dyes his hair. The article showed two recent pictures of him, one showing plenty of grey, the other showing jet black hair. I'm not sure where the debate comes into play here, or why people care so much. Common sense itself should indicate that the guy didn't just wake up with no grey one day. He had it dyed, let's move on to things that are probably more important to debate/wonder about.

Jessie James, the motorcycle dude, is getting married again. He's hooking up with some tattoo'd freak of nature named Kat Von D. This is the guy who cheated on Sandra Bullock. He stated that "I made a big mistake. I was wrong and I can't change it. I wish people would give me a second chance. I won't need a third chance."


Now personally I don't care who he's marrying again. Just based on what I've seen and heard of these two people, them hooking up is doing society a favor and saving two other people. But this whole "not needing a third chance" bit seems to be a little absurd when you're staring at your 4th marriage. I dunno, maybe the guy just can't count. Of course this is also the guy who stated, "Rules are made for people who aren't willing to make up their own." Classy guy all around.


Now that I think about it, what was wrong with Bullock when she married this idiot in the first place? Maybe she didn't know that by becoming his third wife, she was replacing a porn star that was his second wife. That might have been a clue into his character for her to think about before she hooked up with him in the first place.

When A Fatal Tragedy Offers Life To Another, People Are Still Idiots

The tragedy in Arizona shows how far our country has spiraled down in this instance. The youngest victim, Christina Green, was an organ donor. It was reported that some of her organs were donated to a young girl near Boston. (Original news article here.)

The amazing thing to me about this article is that the parents of this young girl even had the thought process, in their grief, to think about the good their dead daughter's organs would be for another person. I can't imagine the pain of the loss of a child. I'm not sure I could have thought coherently enough myself if I were the parent in this case. My grief may not have allowed it.

This news article has sparked thousands of comments. Many wonderful supportive comments. Sadly, just as many evil sadistic comments from uneducated animals. It's appalling to see the venom and stupidity spewed by so many people. Below are just a few of the comments I've run across (My commentary follows in italics):

1) With this little girl being killed at 9 years of age, means she will have a much smaller carbon foot print then she would have had had she lived a full life.

Like it or not your children's air will be a little cleaner because of the death of Christiana Green.

Personally I'm hoping I never meet this person. The air they spew has to be among the foulest of human kind with the way they think.

2) That child should have been in school instead of attending a political rally.

Another mental giant here. Saturday isn't a school day.

3) Jared Loughner did us two favors by taking out a corrupt politician now and a corrupt politician of the future.


The death of an innocent child is considered a favor?


4) Everyone has to die.


Um, you first?


5) ...and next, the parents are going to petition the church and attempt to make her a saint! Honestly, I'm tired of hearing about this kid. She was a 9 year old who was brainwashed by her parents into attending a liberal rally and thinking that it's ok to steal money from hardworking people and give it away to people who don't want to work. She would have grown up and leached off the government just like all the other liberals. 

Please just put her to rest already so we don't have to hear about what a martyr she was!

Ah yes, someone who can see into the future and predict how a nine year old girl would have lived her life. I thought Cleo was off the air for many years until now.

6) This 9-year-old, little piece of disturbed junk got what she was asking for, and I'm glad she was killed. After all, she brought it on herself by not wearing a bulletproof vest to the Giffords event! What nut refuses to wear a vest to such an event? Oh my gosh! She may as well have just shot herself. For that stupidity of not expecting the impossible occurrence of encountering a shooter, this little punk paid with her life, which is good. That should teach all other 9-year-olds about thinking ahead of time a little bit more.

The question should be what nut carries around a gun and kills people. Using this person's logic (logic being used loosely here) we all should be wearing bullet proof vests when out in public. There is no "good" when a child is murdered moron.

7) Awesome!

"Aspiring politician" hahaha. sure that ugly loser would have gotten anything in her life just because she was born on 9/11. most of you idiots would have voted for her. so thanks, Jared, for preventing a real tragedy that could have happened!

Look in the mirror when you're hankering to see ugly asshole.

8)  she's in a better place, a cold, damp coffin. thank you god.


I can't even respond to this one.


There are hundreds of comments like the above ones, or worse, in response to this article. It's unbelievable the depravity of people.

Scarecrows Are Meant To Be Seen And Not Heard

The scarecrow in this instance is Sarah Palin.

The news has been dominated by the tragedy in Arizona the last few days. No surprise there. When a fruit loop kills and/or wounds twenty people it's not an insignificant event. There are people who feel Sarah Palin and her actions and rhetoric are somewhat responsible for this tragedy as well.

No one knows, at least as of yet, what drove Jared Loughner to do this. This guy is mentally unstable and what drove him to commit this heinous act could have a variety of factors involved. He may very well have been influenced by the rhetoric and actions of Sarah Palin, or not. There's enough hateful rhetoric spewed by all politicians to go around, especially over the last decade. Political and Religious rhetoric have simply gotten out of hand, and we've allowed it to happen. Politicians know this type of campaigning works, and that's what is truly shameful about the election process in this country. People buy into the rhetoric.

Sarah Palin isn't presidential material. I can easily say that despite the fact that I don't disagree with everything she spouts off about. She's very fond of telling us what is wrong in America, and there are things wrong in America today. Hell, that's easy to say. What I've never heard her utter is solutions to fixing what is wrong in America though. She's all rhetoric and sound bite.

(And, before going any further, I'm no fan of Obama either. He was simply the better choice in the last election, yet a poor choice at the same time.)

Sarah Palin is no more qualified to be a president than I am. And I'm not qualified in any way, shape, or form. But I do know there are several things I don't want in a president, as follows:

1) I don't want a president who quits when the going gets rough. Palin couldn't even finish a term as a governor, why would we expect that she could adequately do a much more demanding job? If she couldn't hack running a sparsely populated state how could she hack running a nation?

2) I don't want a reality TV star running my country. It's just simply not presidential.

3) I don't want someone who feels it was a great idea to post gun sight images on her web site(s) over congressional districts, or opposing politicians. Whether this was a factor in the tragedy in Arizona or not. Someone who aspires to be president shouldn't be this stupid and not know that this could possibly incite violence and unwanted actions. It was a childish maneuver period.

4) I want a presidential candidate with real solutions, not simply hateful rhetoric. It's easy to spout off about problems and not have any concrete solutions to problems. She's not wrong in stating that we have problems here. But everyone and anyone can do that. Someone who aspires to be president has to have solutions though.

Sadly, we haven't had a great, or even good president in quite some time. What's even sadder is that we've allowed this to happen. Apparently our expectations in the leader(s) of our country isn't too high. Personally I think we, as a country, can take some responsibility in the tragedy in Arizona. We've allowed politicians from all spectrum's to spew hateful vitriolic rhetoric. We've bought into it. Doesn't say too much about our intelligence or expectations does it?

Where A Handshake Can Go Wrong

Being young, single, and in search of love in Somalia recently took a hit. Somali Islamists have banned unrelated men and women from shaking hands. They've also banned them from speaking to each other and walking together as well. Courtship isn't a high priority in this society.

But there is some good news to report. Somalians are still free to hi-jack oil tankers and demand ransoms, thus stimulating their economy. They still have the freedom to kill, kidnap, and torture foreign aid workers delivering food to the poor of their country. After all, who wants to keep people from starving to death?

I think I could get on board and support this handshaking ban though. After all it is the flu season and the less handshaking the better as far as spreading the flu goes. Hungry and starving people are especially prone to illness as well. So there's no sense in encouraging handshakes. Rumor also has it crazy Islamists don't wash their hands after potty breaks. Who wants to shake their hands anyway?

Naturally I may have to rethink this if Somalia doesn't have a flu season. The whole not washing your hands after taking a piss though should be sufficient enough reason not to shake hands if that were the case.

These extreme Islamists take this ban seriously though. When they're not cruising the high seas in search of oil tankers to hi-jack the punishments rendered have ranged from public whippings, imprisonment, and even executions. They actually stop traffic and search buses and cars looking for these violations. Now that's dedication, huh?

Prior to this latest ban they also have banned women from working in public, thus ensuring an ever increasing population shoved deeper into poverty and going ever more hungry. This has been a smashing success as more foreign aid workers are needed to supply food to an increasingly starving population, thus ensuring they have an adequate supply of foreign aid workers to kill and torture.

Another thought just occurred to me about this latest ban. Maybe, just maybe, these Islamic terrorists aren't the homophobic assholes we've always thought they are. By banning men and women from shaking hands, walking together, and speaking to one another they're actually developing an alternative life style for their population. If they were to develop more homosexual relationships among their population the birth rate would drop and less people would be starving to death. Maybe there's a method to their madness after all.

Or....

they're just simply power hungry terrorists bent on keeping women considered as 2nd, or even 3rd class citizens. They could simply be insecure and crazy men, taking from some accounts, a peaceful religion, and obscenely turning it upside down and perverting it to suit their own hateful way of life. Smart money would in all probability go with this theory.

Feeling Poorly

I get paid every two weeks.

Scratch that.

I'm supposed to get paid every two weeks.

A few months ago my paycheck was delayed, along with the (ex)Worthless Co-Workers. At that time this was a minor annoyance to me and a life shattering event to the (ex)Worthless Co-Worker. The payroll department blamed it on the postal service, which may have been the reason for all I know. That incident caused the (ex)Worthless Co-Worker to lose her mind. (What little she possessed anyway.) She thoroughly pissed off everyone in the payroll department with wild accusations of why she didn't receive her paycheck. Sadly comical.

I can't honestly totally buy into blaming the postal service though myself. The (ex)Worthless Co-Worker and I lived in different towns so that would mean two different postal offices would have been involved in this dastardly conspiracy. We did both receive our checks though about 2 days later after informing payroll about the lack of funds. My guess is they simply forgot to mail them and when notified about it someone noticed them sitting somewhere in the payroll department, then threw them in the mail.

Neither she nor I had made use of direct payroll deposit, so our checks were mailed to us. Hers was mailed because her credit was so bad that no bank would let her have a checking account. I simply like paper paychecks and waiting an additional day or two is no big deal to me.

I may have to rethink that now.

My last payday was Friday. Meaning Friday, of the Christmas Eve variety. Like ten days ago. Since they mail payroll checks on Thursday nights I wasn't too concerned with the lack of a paycheck for a few days, holidays and all. I figured I'd have to wait until last Tuesday at the latest for a check to arrive.

Tuesday arrived, right on schedule, but no check.

Wednesday arrived, as it always does after a Tuesday, but no check.

Slight concern crowded my mind, but I remembered from the last incident that in the payroll policy it states somewhere to allow a week for a check to arrive before whining to payroll about a lack of a paycheck. No problem.

Thursday arrived. A day off for me. (Gotta love days off.)

And as you've probably already guessed, no paycheck. Moderate concern now. Hey, I'm not a rich guy by any means and I'd just spent a truckload of money on Christmas. I was feeling a bit of a cash crunch. Still not quite an earth shattering event though. Since I was off and knew no one in corporate would be working on Friday I called the boss and asked him to call corporate to inform them that I hadn't been paid yet, and to look around and see if maybe they had forgotten to mail it. Since last payday was Christmas Eve I figured things were probably hectic for that department and getting them into the mail just may have been overlooked. I fully realize mistakes can be made and shit happens.

He dutifully calls and no one is there. They left at noon to start the New Year's weekend early apparently.

Friday arrived and yet again, no paycheck.

So Monday (today) rolls around and I get a phone call from the payroll department based off the message the boss left for them last Thursday. The lady was a total bitch. Apparently she had me confused with the (ex)Worthless Co-Worker, or the boss left a nasty message last week. In her opinion it's my fault for not receiving my check because I don't do direct deposit. (Just when I was thinking about going that route her attitude about it probably  has me not electing to go that way now.) She informed me how hard it is to mail a paycheck. When I asked how much harder it could be than sending a copy of the paycheck to everyone, regardless if they have direct deposit it or not, she totally flipped out. They mail a pay stub to everyone. I also pointed out that my boss had received, in the mail, his pay stub, and he does direct deposit.

After her tirade about me not joining the 21st century and doing direct deposit she asked me what I wanted her to do.

Well, 'effin duh, pay me, perhaps?

I remained civil, surprisingly so. My boss is a little nervous though. He knows how I normally react to bitches/assholes.

I informed the bitch that I would check my mail tonight when I get home from work and if it wasn't there I'd call her tomorrow and they'd have to resend it, then I hung up without waiting for a reply from her. Naturally I'm the bad guy here because within 10 minutes of me hanging up the boss calls me and asked why I hung up on this bitch. She apparently lit into him and told him a bunch of bs about our phone call. Seething, I told him exactly went on with this crazy bitch.

I almost hope there's no paycheck in my mailbox when I get home tonight now. Since she feels I was the asshole in our conversation today she's going to get her wish tomorrow if there's no check.

Since I'm down to $17.00 dollars in my wallet and the need of gas and cigarettes are on the horizon I'll have to stop at my bank on the way to work to pull some money out of savings. I absolutely hate pulling money out of savings. I like money to stay there once I put it there. But I'm doing it, and I'm not going the direct deposit route now. If it's truly harder to process my paycheck for her I have no intention of making this bitches job any easier.

As I'm sitting here, getting more and more pissed, I know exactly what I'm going to do, even as much as it hurts to pull money out of savings I'm going to pull out $200.00 in cash. (I'm a big fan of cash availability.) I'm also going to transfer $2000.00 from savings to checking so that I can ride out any more crap like this in the future. (Should it occur again.)

And tomorrow, if there's no check, I'll be calling payroll with the boss present, with her and I on speaker phone, so he can hear this silly bitch rant and rave.

The saddest part of all this is I don't care if they screwed up and simply forgot to mail the damn check. I just want it mailed. Mistakes happen. Should this be the case and she simply forgot to mail it, she'll never admit to it though. She's not the type of person who admits to making a mistake in my opinion.

Maybe It's Because I Don't Dance

I've never watched "Dancing With The Stars."

(Writing that sentence does involve some smugness on my part.)

I've also never watched "American Idol", "The Biggest Loser", "Survivor", etc.....

Basically anything that falls remotely into what's been coined as "Reality TV" pretty much throws my brain into a deep freeze. I'm already mind numbingly stupid. I don't need to further de-educate myself watching total nonsense.

But this "Dancing With The Stars" bullshit irks me. This year it has invaded every social medium and news outlet in the country. All because of the hillbilly clan from Alaska, the Palins. You can't escape it.

You don't even have to watch the damn show to know Bristol Palin shouldn't be still dancing. The judges panel has her and her partner ranked last, or close to it, for weeks now. Apparently fan voting keeps her in contention and now the finals are near.

All of this is amusing to me as well. Bristol Palin really has no fans, her mother does. (And yes, that's baffling in itself, but somehow true.) Bristol Palin's only claim(s) to fame are her mother and perhaps the ability to get knocked up as a senior in high school. Not exactly stellar points in the resume of life to me.

Anyway.

Television viewers are venting their rage at Bristol Palin herself for this so-called travesty. Hell, some guy actually gunned down his television with disgust when she and her partner weren't voted off the show recently. These people are truly morons. It's a meaningless show. It's simply entertainment, albeit where talent isn't necessarily rewarded properly.

The anger is also misdirected. Bristol Palin is just a dumb kid. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not her fault people are voting in her favor. Bristol Palin isn't doing anything that any other person involved in some type of competition wouldn't be doing, which is trying to win.

The people who are voting in her favor aren't really voting for her in the first place. They're voting in favor of her mother, Sarah Palin.

This isn't surprising to me honestly. These people who are voting in favor of Bristol Palin when she obviously isn't qualified to have gotten this far on this show are the same people who are going to vote for Sarah Palin in 2012 for POTUS.

And that should scare us in all reality. If these people are willing to bypass voting in favor of talent and qualifications in a dance contest I'm sure they're going to do the same thing in a Presidential election as well.

In both instances people are, or would be, voting for fluff with no substance. Those are the people we should be upset with. Because they're the morons who are the cause of this travesty, and what I suspect will be the pending one, when Sarah Palin announces a run for president in 2012.

Disclaimer: My thoughts on Sarah Palin have nothing to do with Obama. I'm not a fan of his either.

Guess Who's Looking For A Job

There's a saying that all good things must come to an end.

That was brought home "with a vengeance" yesterday for me.

There are probably many of you sitting there reading this and saying to yourselves, "No surprise to me."

I've posted many different times about this situation here. Many of you have read along with the tales spun here and have had to think, "How does this person manage to tie their shoes correctly, let alone keep a job with their stupidity displayed so often."

You may have even thought with the last post written here that that has to be the icing on the cake. This person has just gone too far, and needs to be unemployed, maybe even institutionalized.

I shudder to even contemplate the process to find new employment, especially this time of year. For one, it's getting cold out there. I'd hate the thought of running around in the cold begging for a job, or maybe even begging to keep/get my old job back.

(Because yes, there was begging involved, even some tears.)

Thank God, I'm not writing about myself here though.

(Although I'm wondering how many comments I'll be receiving consoling me on the loss of a job by people who skim through here and have failed to read this far.

And seriously,

I'm awesome at my job, despite the fact I can't tie my shoes, and the need to be institutionalized.)

The (ex) Worthless Co-Worker is back in town after quitting here a little more than two weeks ago.

After selling off most of her worldly possessions and running off to New Mexico to be with her "spiritual husband" she's slunk her way back into town, perhaps a little wiser in the way of the world. Perhaps, being the key word here. I wouldn't hold my breath on that one though. She is incredibly stupid.

Apparently "Mr. Wonderful" isn't so wonderful after all. So she's back in town, broke, which isn't new frankly, and homeless, somewhat anyway. She's staying with a sister apparently.

She popped into the store yesterday afternoon with her tale of woe. We were busy so I didn't catch all of it myself. The boss was the recipient of her rambling story of her life over the last couple of weeks. She's a crazy bitch, that one.

She figured since she's "only" been gone for two weeks she should get her job back. In her opinion we should, or the company rather, just consider the last two weeks as vacation time. She feels she should be allowed to just pick up where she left off basically.

When this delusional thought of hers was debunked by the boss the tears flowed freely. There were two of us crying actually. One with utter despair, mine with laughter. Her inability to grasp reality was just too much. I did manage to wait until after she left to display my tears though. I'm not a totally heartless bastard after all.

Naturally, there's a moral to this story. Maybe, just maybe, a woman shouldn't run off halfway across the country with plans to marry a guy they've never actually met in person. It's certainly something most people would think would be wise. Oddly enough, I can see her doing this again though. She's not "most people" in any sense of the word(s). She is actually that stupid to repeat this again, as far as I can see.

So while she's not coming back here to work, I did implore her to keep in touch. She's handy for blog fodder after all.  

If Only Muslim Extremists Had A Therapist

Catchy title, huh?

I'm sure this post is going to offend some anal retentive type person. Just a word to take note of in the title:

"Extremists"

Anyway, on to my offending way.

You Muslim Extremists, or Islamic Terrorists if you prefer, are really a bunch of dysfunctional dimwits. If your beliefs and actions weren't so damn appalling they'd be laughable. You are the most insecure segment of the human race possibly. No doubt your lack of intelligence and your upbringing has a lot to do with it.

Seriously I can see some reasons why you're so fucked up. Not necessarily to the point of your violent beliefs though. A blind man can see plenty of things that would rob the male species of your culture of any brains and hope for any semblance of a normal life.

One example is the turban, or whatever that thing you wear on your head is actually called. Smothering a brain that is clearly as deficient as yours is never a good idea. Plus you guys seem to wear this on blazing hot days, trudging through the desert, planning your next act of terrorism. I guess no one has told you that hats hold heat in. Your brains have to be fried.

You also dress like a girl. Those robes can't do much for the male psych I'd imagine. Grow a pair of balls and put on some pants. Maybe if you'd quit dressing like a girl you wouldn't have the overwhelming urge to perform violent acts to prove your manhood.

And your intelligence? Simply laughably sad. Who really thinks becoming a suicide bomber is a good career enhancer? You die, killing innocent people, you morons. Who in their right mind straps a bomb to their chest and thinks that's a wise move?

And you know what?

Let me fill you in on a little secret.

There aren't any virgins waiting for you, much less forty of them, when you die. Your inability to get laid on Earth isn't going to make a difference in death. You know, take off the dress, and maybe you would get laid while you're alive and the promise of sex with another corpse, or forty of them, for that matter, wouldn't seem so appealing to you. If you need laid that bad I'll give you a few bucks for a prostitute, or a camel.

Stupid bastards anyway.

Here, Briefly

The next couple of days are going to encompass much suckage.

Since we're short-handed at work I'll be spending more time there than anywhere else. Blogging is going to take a hit, as well as checking out your blogs.

But there are a couple of things to share with you.

1) My latest acquisition of Diet Coke has cans sporting a winter scene. Why they think this makes anyone happy is beyond me. While I'll still buy the stuff to maintain a proper amount of caffeine in my system it doesn't make me want to buy it due to this design.

2) Worthless Co-Worker update: (Or rather Ex-Worthless Co-Worker)

She had a sister stop in the store yesterday and Worthless Co-Worker has already fled to New Mexico to be with her "spiritual husband." You know the one, the guy who she's never met in person, just through the Internet. Apparently the trip to Israel is still in the works for a Jewish wedding though. That whole family of hers is loony-tune.

Interestingly enough an old guy, who walks the mall, and we refer to as a pervert stopped in the store as well. He misses her, but he doesn't blame her for running off to be with this guy, after all, we were told, she's going to get a Lexus after they're married. He's a moron too.

(Oh, the reason we refer to him as a pervert is two-fold. One being, every time we've hired a girl to work in our store he sneaks around snapping pictures of them on his cell phone. The other is security caught him masturbating at a table in the food court a couple of years ago. That earned him a one year ban, and some legal trouble.)

Ciao, and stuff.

I Just Can't Win, Can I?

I get along quite well with my boss. He's not the ideal boss by any means, but he allows me to do my job with little to no interference, and I accept his inadequacies in the supervision department. We had a few rough patches when he first transferred here from another store. He knew that I had turned down the position prior to him coming here and he had some false impressions of me from the start.

He's 12 years younger than I am, and his knowledge of me was all heard second hand from others before arriving here. He had never supervised anyone older than him and it was a problem for him for some reason. I, on other other hand, had plenty of supervisory experience in the steel industry working with a crew of 40 to 50 people of all ages.

His two biggest misconceptions of me involved his position and my independent streak.

He knew I was qualified to fill the position he was coming into and he couldn't understand why I didn't want the position myself. He harbored some weird thought that I was there to undermine him basically. It took months for him to figure out I didn't want his job.

The other issue/misconception he had was that I was hard to supervise. His new boss, who I had known 5 years previously under my boss who was retiring, had told him he should simply leave me alone. He didn't take that the way it was intended though. Instead of hearing I was proficient at my job, he interpreted it as I was a pain in the ass.

When he arrived here he went out of his way to assert he was the boss. It was a mild irritant at times, but for the most part, amusing to me. It's really hard to get me wound up over petty crap. I knew that over time he'd eventually see that he should leave me alone. He did finally, but it was interesting the first few months he was here.

Now that I've worked for him almost four years things are peachy and keen. He's a pretty decent guy.

But.....

(There's always a "but", it's an unspoken and unwritten rule somewhere that a "but" is always involved.)

He has a wife, who pops into the store quite often. The fact that she pops in often isn't the problem though. She's very nice as well.

Too nice, actually.

She fancies herself as a matchmaker. I've been single for a long time. This fact bothers her for some reason. She's got this bubbly personality and, well, I'm not a bubbly type of person, but I'm a relatively happy person, content with my life as it is. So while she's very nice, and well meaning, she's a pain in the ass to me.

(To my boss' credit he knows me pretty well and always tries to divert her away from me as much as possible when her matchmaking persona invades the store. She's hard to thwart though and he ends up apologizing profusely when she leaves the store.)

Both of them are little social butterflies though. They like to throw dinner parties, barbecues, holiday type parties, etc. Invariably they want me to attend many of these. Which is fine because I consider the boss a friend as well. When our schedules permit we've golfed together, he's gone out on the river fishing with me, although I think he just likes getting out on the boat, rather than the actual fishing part.

But these "social events" drive me crazy. It's a no win proposition for me. If I show up without a date, she always has someone there that's "just perfect" for me. Ah, not so much.

If I show up with a date it's a nightmare for the person I cajoled into going with me. They get cornered by her with her grilling them about how long we've been together, how happy we are, how serous is the relationship, blah, blah, blah. She can't accept it's simply a date, with no other strings attached other than a night out. I have a friend we'll call Jackie (primarily because it's her name) who fills in admirably as a date, and I for her when she has the need of one as well. We're simply good friends.

The problem here is that the boss' wife really likes Jackie. Unfortunately that feeling isn't reciprocal though. I haven't asked Jackie in over a year to attend one of these "social events" because of the torture she goes through when she's accompanied me in the past.

Yesterday I was off, and Jackie saw a need to have me around for the day. She had just bought a house and needed to look at appliances, she wanted a snow blower, and some other things she felt a guy's input would be useful on. So we were running around town with me giving her expert advice, as only a guy can pretend to possess, on things a woman wants to hear about, but doesn't normally don't want to think about.

One of our stops was at Best Buy and who do we run into? You guessed it. The dreaded wife of the boss. Had we seen her first we'd have slunk away, but she ambushed snuck up on us. This isn't going to be good I told myself. I think the reason Jackie and I get along so well is we possess the same wacky humor and she's every bit as blunt as I am. She's incredibly quick and sharp tongued around people who are irritating. We'd definitely be considered compatible in that regard.

So a conversation took place that Jackie thoroughly enjoyed, the boss' wife completely bought into, and left me brain damaged, caught off guard, and stammering throughout the ordeal.

Boss' wife: Hey guys!
Us: (almost in unison) Uh, hi.
Boss' wife: (to Jackie) I haven't seen you in a long time. Did (Just Plain Tired) tell you about the dinner we're having Sunday night?
Jackie: No he didn't.
Boss' wife: (to me) Why didn't you tell her about this?
Jackie: Yeah, why didn't you tell me about this?
Me: It must have slipped my mind.
Boss' wife: So you're both coming right?
Me: Um, uh....
Jackie: We certainly are! We'll be all primed for it. You know honey (to me) we'll get an extra hour of sleep and we'll both feel great that night.
Boss' wife: Are you two together finally?
Me: Uh, no, not exactly, we're.....
Jackie: Oh hush up. (to me) It's not a secret any more. We might as well just come out and let the world know.

(At this point I became a zoned out, brain dead, drooling spectator to this verbal massacre.)

Boss' wife: I just knew it! You two are perfect for each other. He never tells me or (the boss) anything.
Jackie: I'm trying to get him to open up more myself. He's such a private person, you know.
Boss' wife: I know! So how long have you two been serious?
Jackie: I've been fucking his brains out every single day for over six months now.
Boss' wife: Oh my gawd! I am so happy for you two. Now I know why he never wants to meet anyone I try to introduce him to. Why didn't you just tell me you two are together? (to me)
Me: I.....
Jackie: Oh hell, you know how he is. He's still a bit hung up on our age difference you know.
Boss' wife: That's a stupid thing. (to me)  You're not that much older than her. You guys make a great couple.
Jackie: I tell him that all the time.
Boss' wife: Does (the boss) know?
Jackie: I doubt it. Wouldn't he tell you if he did?
Boss' wife: He would. (to me) You haven't told (the boss) about this?
Me: Um, no, I guess not. It's still all pretty new to me I guess.
Boss' wife: I can't wait to tell him!
Jackie: So what time is dinner on Sunday?
Boss' wife: We're planning on eating about 7:00 pm, but you two should come earlier so we can visit some more. I've got to run and pick up (her son). I'm running so late today.
Jackie: That's great! We'll see you then.

And off she scampers.

Jackie: Now that was funny!
Me: Jackie..... no.....
Jackie: Just shut up. I did you a tremendous favor here.
Me: No, you....
Jackie: You've been single so long you have no clue how a woman thinks. She's so happy with the thought that you're getting laid... plus.... now you're off the market in her eyes. She's not going to be trying to hook you up with any of her unattached friends.
Me: This.... well.... shit....
Jackie: Trust me on this.
Me: Yeah, but....
Jackie: Just. Shut. Up. This will be fun for awhile. Jesus, get with it! We can pull this off with her for a long time.
Me: Well, you're now on the hook for dinner though.
Jackie: So that means you owe me now.
Me: I. Owe. You?
Jackie: You really have no idea how a woman thinks.
Me: Tell me about it.

So I've had some time to digest all of this. Dismay, quite frankly came first to mind. Utter dismay actually. But I've warmed up to this since the initial shock has worn off, because we can pull this off, and for quite some time. I've processed all the future reactions and have come to this conclusion. The boss' wife is very naive, and very nice. When this little charade unravels she'll be slightly embarrassed, but not actually mad. The boss will be cool about it as well. And for me, no more little miss matchmaker to contend with for the foreseeable future.

Yeah, I'm delusional, aren't I?