I've Reached A New Level Of Cool

I think it's time to take a break from blogging about the mess Gov. Walker is making here in Wisconsin. (It's probably only a temporary break though as Walker and his fundamentally wrong stance and union busting tactics have me incensed.)

Last night I was pleasantly surprised when both my kids showed up here. It's a rarity to get them together any more as one is in college and the other has a family of his own now. As we were visiting my son was uncharacteristically quiet. When he finally spoke it was to ask me what I was listening to as I had some music playing in the background. When I told him it was a playlist from YouTube both kids got off the sofa and decided to investigate what the "old man" listens to.

I like various forms of music but have especially embraced (some) symphonic rock as of late. My kids, who consider themselves up on most music trends were completely baffled and impressed with what I had on a particular playlist. They had also never heard of most of the groups/bands as well. This wan't particularly surprising to me as most of these groups were from Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, etc. For some reason their music hasn't really caught on in the U.S., which I've found perplexing myself.

Anyway....

They spent almost an hour checking out my tunes and then I heard my daughter whisper to my son, "Did you ever think Dad was this cool?" His response was no. My response, "I heard that smart ass."

By the time the evening was over both had decided that they've been sadly missing out on some great music and the old man here had certainly surprised them. I think they were used to me playing music from the "80's", the era when I was young enough to be considered "cool." They also like music from that era as well, which makes them "cool" in my eyes.

(Although, disappointingly, they both consider rap a form of music with some merit. Sigh.)

The evening ended and I'm sure by now I've lost a measure of coolness in their eyes though. I mean seriously, who really considers a parent cool for any real length of time?

Below is a couple of examples of what I like and what they seemed to be impressed with as well. Give 'em a play and let me know what you guys think.

Now in all fairness both of my kids like and have heard of Within Temptation. But the group, Sirenia was totally off their radar, as well as a few others on my playlist. The "old man" here felt a little smug at their bafflement and amazement at my musical taste. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

I'm Going To Make The Best Out Of Working Black Friday

As some of you know I'm less than thrilled with working on Black Friday. Not the work itself, but the fact that I'll be getting up at 3:30 am to cater to shoppers who should still be in bed themselves.

But I'm going to make the best of it.

I'm actually going to pass on a little Christmas cheer as well.

Because, as you all know, Christmas is all about giving. Pictured below is a twenty dollar bill. I'm going to strategically place these throughout the mall for people to find. (Along with some ten and fifty dollar bills.)

I'm going to bask in the happiness of the lucky shoppers who will discover these bills as they stampede through the mall in search of getting their loved ones the perfect gift.

I can see the smiles I'm going to be bringing to about 15 lucky people who find these bills.

Of course there's a catch. As you stroll through this post you'll see for yourselves.

As they bend over to pick up these bills thinking how lucky they are they're bound to flip it over to see:

But they all will hear a voice say "Merry Christmas, and please dispose of them properly."

(Well, some of them will, if I'm not busy helping the customers stampeding through our store as these are discovered.)

Juvenile Antics At Work

I've discovered you can say almost anything to customers at work that you're having fun with. I love people like that. (Heavy emphasis on the word "almost.")

A nice young lady who'll I'll refer to as Anita has been in and out of the store for about a year debating about ordering one of our products. (The reason for referring to her as Anita is quite simple, that's her name, duh.)

Anyway, I like her and she's goofy as hell, but seriously interested in buying. I just knew it was going to be a matter of time before she pulled the trigger. The other reason for liking her is that she always asks for me, and when part of your wages are based on commission, you like to be requested.

(Hey, I'm a nice guy and all, but money talks.)

Last Sunday Anita walks in, locates me, and says it's time to order. As we walk to the back register counter the following conversation takes place:

Me: So you're going to go with what you've been lusting after for the last year, right?
Anita: Yes!
Me: I just wanted to make sure, in case you changed your mind. We wouldn't want to order the wrong thing.
Anita: Nope, I haven't changed my mind at all.
Me: Good, I'll just have to get some information from you then. What's your full name and address?
Anita: Oh, you need my full name?
Me: It's helpful, so yes.
Anita: Oh gawd. Promise me you won't laugh.
Me: Um, okay.
Anita: My full name is Anita Nicewanger, my address is.....blah, blah, blah.
Me: (as professionally as possible) Can you repeat......
Anita: NO!!!
Me: ....your address for me so we don't ship this expensive item to one of your neighbors?
Anita: Oh, sorry, sure.

So we finish up the transaction paperwork and payment method.

Anita: I want to thank you for not laughing at my name.
Me: Not a problem Anita. You're married, right?
Anita: I am.
Me: So you got what you wanted then, right? You have to admire that.
Anita: OH! MY! GAWD! I never looked at it that way, that's hilarious and something I can use to the assholes who make fun of my name. I'll just tell 'em I got what I wanted. This will be an ego booster to my husband too. I knew I always liked dealing with you when I came in here.
Me: I've always liked dealing with you too Anita. Now can you leave so I can laugh?
Anita: You're such a kidder.

And off she went, and happily I might add, with my laughter floating after her as well.

I Can't Even Escape From The Worthless Co-Worker On A Day Off

I was off yesterday. It turned out to be a beautiful Fall day here. The type of weather you could do almost anything in. I chose to get some much needed crap done around the homestead.

I even defrosted the refrigerator here. Apparently it's been a long time since I've done that. I have a chest freezer I use for my freezing needs and basically ignore the freezer compartment in the fridge. But it couldn't be ignored any longer as it was getting hard to close the refrigerator due to the expansion of an Arctic Ice Shelf that had formed in this compartment. So we commenced a thawing out process here, with much success I might add.

(And yes, you can now add my name to the list of people responsible for playing a role in global warming with the loss of this ice shelf.

And no ladies, even I don't wonder any more why I'm single.)

In the midst of the domestic crap I was taking care of the phone rang. Since I can multi-task I had no problem answering it. Much to my chagrin it was the voice of the Worthless Co-Worker. Naturally it's a conversation to be shared as follows:

Worthless Co-Worker: What are you doing?
Me: Why are you calling?
Worthless Co-Worker: I was just wondering what you're doing today. I'll bet you're golfing. You're golfing, right?
Me: No.
Worthless Co-Worker: No really, you're golfing right?
Me: No, I'm busy around home trying to get some stuff done.
Worthless Co-Worker: So when you're done you're going golfing, right?
Me: No.
Worthless Co-Worker: Seriously?
Me: Seriously. Now what do you really want?
Worthless Co-Worker: I can't believe you're not golfing. You always go golfing on your days off.
Me: Uh, no I don't and focus here Alicia, what do you want?
Worthless Co-Worker: I can't believe this.
Me: Even Tiger Woods doesn't golf every day Alicia. If he did he probably wouldn't have been banging half the women he did over the last couple of years causing his marriage to crumble.
Worthless Co-Worker: That's gross.
Me: By all accounts, some of them were. Now exactly why are you calling me?
Worthless Co-Worker: I just lost ten dollars is all. I can't believe you're not golfing.
Me: Bummer.
Worthless Co-Worker: I bet (store manager) that you'd be golfing today. He took me up on the bet. So now I'm out ten dollars.
Me: That changes things. Because there's ten dollars at stake I'm going golfing.
Worthless Co-Worker: Sure you are, now you're just teasing me.
Me: Nope, not even a little bit. I'm going golfing. I'll provide pictures if needed.
Worthless Co-Worker: You just made my day!!!!
Me: I'm happy to hear that. Can you put (store manager) on the phone?
Worthless Co-Worker: Are you going to rub this in?
Me: Oh yeah, there will be some definite rubbing in when this little shindig wraps up.

(Passing of phone occurs.)

Me: Hey, sorry to ruin your bet but I'm going golfing.
Store Manager: Aw, c'mon, do you really want her to win this bet?
Me: Just this one time yes.
Store Manager: I thought we were friends?
Me: We are. And since I know you pay your debts I had to do this. That silly little girl has owed me ten dollars for months. So let her know she won, but no money for her, because she owes me that money. We'll settle up tomorrow.
Store Manager: You should see her right now. She's dancing around the store, laughing, sticking her tongue out at me even.
Me: I'll let you decide how long you want to let her carry on before you drop this bomb on her.
Store Manager: You want to talk to her again?
Me: Nope.
Store Manager: You know, even though I'm losing out here, this is going to be worth it. I can't wait to tell her this.
Me: I knew you'd come around and see the benefit of this. See you tomorrow afternoon.

So, how many of you made ten dollars on your day off by simply putting in nine holes of golf?

They Say The First Step Is Admitting To The Problem

I'm lazy.

There, I said it.

It's actually served me well.

Now your definition of lazy may differ dramatically from mine. I prefer to define mine as "the appreciation of much needed, and well deserved, down time." I adhere to this thought process, nay life style, wholeheartedly and vigorously. I'm quite ambitious in this pursuit of lazytude.

And what has this gained me?

A lack of appreciation and acceptance of my brand of laziness from family, friends, and co-workers. They refuse to even acknowledge that I'm lazy, despite my protests and irrefutable evidence to the contrary. This is an affront to my character and integrity.

So now I'm having to rethink this whole laziness lifestyle. I've allowed an inkling of doubt to creep into my thoughts. And it's maddening. What if they're right?

I like doing my own thing, or several things, and work interferes with that. I want to lounge around. I want to fish or golf all day. I want to read a book in its entirety in one sitting. I want to just simply stare off into space. I want to watch paint dry, or grass grow, so to speak. I want to take a nap when I'm tired. Work always gets in the way. I can't ignore this.

While I freely admit to being lazy my mind refuses to let me procrastinate. If there's something that needs done I can't be lazy. And so I do the work, all in the pursuit of the maximum amount of lazy time possible. You can't half-ass this process if you're truly lazy. You're only fooling yourself if you do, but not me buster. Performing a necessary chore lazily just cuts into true "lazy time." If that's the way you approach this, at least in my mind, you're not taking advantage of real, and satisfying, lazy time.

Hopefully I've inspired at least one person today to embrace this true definition of lazy. Anyone else who claims to be lazy, without approaching laziness in the same manner as I do, is simply a fraud. Don't be taken in by them. I know and live the true path to pure, and perhaps guilt free, laziness.

So I'm A Full Time, Once Or Twice A Week Babysitter

So I'm a grandparent now.

(And no, not a recent one, so congratulations are not in order.)

I'm just in the beginning of the grandparenthood stage with just one grandchild so far. But I've got to tell you I'm enjoying it far more than I thought was possible. This little life form is now 20 months old and I can't imagine life without her being around.

This kid is perfect, I shit you not. Oh my son and daughter-in-law may not quite go that far and will tell me that she can be fussy, mad, hates naps, etc.... but I have yet to witness any of this. Seriously. And as someone who's around her quite a bit I should. It's not that I don't believe them, after all I have two kids myself, and they weren't perfect. Pretty easy to raise over all, but not perfect.

Both my son and daughter-in-law work full time and have had a lot of trouble finding dependable and affordable daycare. So I stepped up to the plate and volunteered to watch her on my days off, which amounts to about 6 days a month where it works out that I'm off when they're working.

Below is a list of of activities we do that will display the awesomeness of this child during the 9-10 hours she's in my care:

1) I usually have to feed her two meals a day when I'm watching her. While the parents bemoan the fact that she won't always eat well for them I can honestly say this is a non-issue for me. She eats everything I throw in front of her. So what if there's always ice cream involved. Naturally the parents haven't been let in on this little secret. (And no, before any righteous parent decides this is terrible, not just ice cream, we do the healthy type of food, but this kid knows Gramps, or as she calls me, "Pa Pa", is gonna give her ice cream if she eats well.)

2) We play, and play, then play some more. And the best part? She's brought out my inner child. (And we make a huge mess, and it's great. After all, this babysitting gig occurs at their place, not mine. There's no clean up or picking up involved for me.)

3) And naps? Not a problem. This kid naps for an average of 2 hours for me. Every. Single. Time. At first this made me nervous, just based on what the parents told me with their troubles in this area. I'd check the crib every 10 minutes to make sure this kid was breathing and alive when she was napping for me. (After all, it wouldn't look very good on the babysitting resume if the kid died while napping in my care.)

4) This kid knows how I feel about poopy diapers. I can tell her she should wait for mommy or daddy to get home before doing this. And for some reason it works with far more success than I dreamed possible. Hell, I've even initiated the potty training sequence with some degree of success. But in listening to the parents my "some" degree is better than their efforts so far. (I actually think this irritates the daughter-in-law though. Not the "some" degree of success part. She just doesn't think potty training should have been started yet. But hey, I think that if a kid can come up to you, point at their diaper, and say they've peed, or pooped, it's time to potty train.

5) She listens to me and there's few bad behavior episodes. (Almost didn't list this one because I think it's normal for a kid to behave better for almost anyone else than a parent.)

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture, and you're either bored enough already, or extremely jealous of the mad skills I possess as a babysitter. My point is she's an awesome addition in my life.