No Thanks, Black Friday Comes Early Enough As It Is

The mall marketing manager was making the rounds Monday at work trying to start a movement to get some of us to open earlier than, five-fucking unbelievably too early to pander to assholes sheep who should still be in bed am, on Black Friday.

I've never liked this woman. I can now say she doesn't like me as well.

Much to her dismay I was the only person available in our store for her to speak with about her latest "Great Idea."

Our mall has five anchors. They call all the shots and the smaller stores have to go with what they want for opening and closing hours. Never mind that those hours do nothing good for the smaller stores, it's all about lining their pockets.

Here's our discussion:

Mall Marketing Manager: Hi! Is (store manager) around?
Me: Nope. He's gone for the day.

Mall Marketing Manager: Oh no. I wanted to talk to him about Black Friday.

Me: He'll be in tomorrow, all day as a matter of fact.

Mall Marketing Manager: I was hoping to get a decision today about an idea I have for Black Friday.

Me: Maybe I can help, what's up?

Mall Marketing Manager: As you know, two of our anchors are opening at 4:00 am and I want to get as many other stores as possible in the mall to do the same thing.

Me: I can definitely help you there. We don't need (store manager) for this decision since I'm the one who's opening the store that day.

Mall Marketing Manager: That's great!!

Me: Ah, not so much.

Mall Marketing Manager: What do you mean, not so much?

Me: We're not opening even one second before 5:00 am.

Mall Marketing Manager: You do realize that the mall anchors have the final say in mall hours.

Me: Yup. But I also know it takes a majority vote among the five of them for this to happen. Only two are opening earlier than 5:00 am. The other three are opening at 5:00 am, so the answer is no. You wouldn't be running around the mall trying to drum up support for this had even one more decided to open earlier. You'd have just sent one of your lovely memo's ordering this.

Mall Marketing Manager: Maybe I should just call (store manager.)

Me: Feel free to do that. But he also knows who's opening the store here. Quite frankly he knows if he were to agree to this insanity he'd be the one to have haul his sorry ass out of bed, instead of me, to open up. And that isn't going to happen. Trust me.

Mall Marketing Manager: How about if I appeal to your Christmas spirit?

Me: You, and I mean you specifically, lost that three weeks ago.

Mall Marketing Manager: What?!?

Me: I heard the first Christmas song blaring over the mall music system on November 1st. The same music system you have control over. So we've had three weeks of non-stop Christmas music so far. I'm already sick of it. The same Christmas music you insist on playing well into January as well.

Mall Marketing Manager: The stores on both sides of you are going to open early. Do you know how silly it's going to look when your store is dark, and not open? 

Me: I have no idea. I don't plan on being here to see it. Of course since I'm closing Wednesday I could leave all the lights on if that would make you happy. Be kind of a waste of energy though.

Mall Marketing Manager: You should show some more support to the mall.

Me: Our support involves paying the lease every month. You don't want to go there, trust me.

Mall Marketing Manager: Why?

Me: You've been here for about a year and a half. You pale in comparison to the lady you replaced as far as marketing goes.

Mall Marketing Manager: I don't have to listen to this! I don't work for you.

Me: Personally I don't care if you listen to me. But you're wrong about who you work for. You work for every store who pays their lease here. Honestly, you're the butt of many jokes in the mall. No one thinks you you've been a good replacement for the lady who retired last year.

Mall Marketing Manager: Don't think for a minute I'm not going to talk to (store manager) and the mall manager about you! You have a horrible attitude. 

Me: Fine.

And off she went.

I was expecting a phone call this morning from the boss. He waited until late this afternoon to call me about this. Apparently this young lady went to the mall manager and told him that I should be fired, and that he needed to choose between the two of us.

Never mind the fact that I don't work for the mall manager.

Apparently this had to be explained to her as well. So she's kind of bummed out.

My boss, who thankfully puts up with my shit, is actually happy about this. He's been frustrated with her because he's the one who has to deal with her when it comes to marketing ideas and promotions. This little confrontation between her and I actually got the mall manager, who she does report directly to, to tell her that he's not happy with her performance either. (Finally.)

So there's that I guess as a silver lining when it comes to my "horrible attitude."

Hey guys, I want to wish each and everyone one of you a great Thanksgiving. I know it's a little early for that but Wednesday involves a 13 hour work day and Friday I'll be up at 3:30 soul sucking am for the Black Friday insanity. So I'm not going to have much free time between now and the end of the weekend honestly.