Monday, January 3, 2011

Feeling Poorly

I get paid every two weeks.

Scratch that.

I'm supposed to get paid every two weeks.

A few months ago my paycheck was delayed, along with the (ex)Worthless Co-Workers. At that time this was a minor annoyance to me and a life shattering event to the (ex)Worthless Co-Worker. The payroll department blamed it on the postal service, which may have been the reason for all I know. That incident caused the (ex)Worthless Co-Worker to lose her mind. (What little she possessed anyway.) She thoroughly pissed off everyone in the payroll department with wild accusations of why she didn't receive her paycheck. Sadly comical.

I can't honestly totally buy into blaming the postal service though myself. The (ex)Worthless Co-Worker and I lived in different towns so that would mean two different postal offices would have been involved in this dastardly conspiracy. We did both receive our checks though about 2 days later after informing payroll about the lack of funds. My guess is they simply forgot to mail them and when notified about it someone noticed them sitting somewhere in the payroll department, then threw them in the mail.

Neither she nor I had made use of direct payroll deposit, so our checks were mailed to us. Hers was mailed because her credit was so bad that no bank would let her have a checking account. I simply like paper paychecks and waiting an additional day or two is no big deal to me.

I may have to rethink that now.

My last payday was Friday. Meaning Friday, of the Christmas Eve variety. Like ten days ago. Since they mail payroll checks on Thursday nights I wasn't too concerned with the lack of a paycheck for a few days, holidays and all. I figured I'd have to wait until last Tuesday at the latest for a check to arrive.

Tuesday arrived, right on schedule, but no check.

Wednesday arrived, as it always does after a Tuesday, but no check.

Slight concern crowded my mind, but I remembered from the last incident that in the payroll policy it states somewhere to allow a week for a check to arrive before whining to payroll about a lack of a paycheck. No problem.

Thursday arrived. A day off for me. (Gotta love days off.)

And as you've probably already guessed, no paycheck. Moderate concern now. Hey, I'm not a rich guy by any means and I'd just spent a truckload of money on Christmas. I was feeling a bit of a cash crunch. Still not quite an earth shattering event though. Since I was off and knew no one in corporate would be working on Friday I called the boss and asked him to call corporate to inform them that I hadn't been paid yet, and to look around and see if maybe they had forgotten to mail it. Since last payday was Christmas Eve I figured things were probably hectic for that department and getting them into the mail just may have been overlooked. I fully realize mistakes can be made and shit happens.

He dutifully calls and no one is there. They left at noon to start the New Year's weekend early apparently.

Friday arrived and yet again, no paycheck.

So Monday (today) rolls around and I get a phone call from the payroll department based off the message the boss left for them last Thursday. The lady was a total bitch. Apparently she had me confused with the (ex)Worthless Co-Worker, or the boss left a nasty message last week. In her opinion it's my fault for not receiving my check because I don't do direct deposit. (Just when I was thinking about going that route her attitude about it probably  has me not electing to go that way now.) She informed me how hard it is to mail a paycheck. When I asked how much harder it could be than sending a copy of the paycheck to everyone, regardless if they have direct deposit it or not, she totally flipped out. They mail a pay stub to everyone. I also pointed out that my boss had received, in the mail, his pay stub, and he does direct deposit.

After her tirade about me not joining the 21st century and doing direct deposit she asked me what I wanted her to do.

Well, 'effin duh, pay me, perhaps?

I remained civil, surprisingly so. My boss is a little nervous though. He knows how I normally react to bitches/assholes.

I informed the bitch that I would check my mail tonight when I get home from work and if it wasn't there I'd call her tomorrow and they'd have to resend it, then I hung up without waiting for a reply from her. Naturally I'm the bad guy here because within 10 minutes of me hanging up the boss calls me and asked why I hung up on this bitch. She apparently lit into him and told him a bunch of bs about our phone call. Seething, I told him exactly went on with this crazy bitch.

I almost hope there's no paycheck in my mailbox when I get home tonight now. Since she feels I was the asshole in our conversation today she's going to get her wish tomorrow if there's no check.

Since I'm down to $17.00 dollars in my wallet and the need of gas and cigarettes are on the horizon I'll have to stop at my bank on the way to work to pull some money out of savings. I absolutely hate pulling money out of savings. I like money to stay there once I put it there. But I'm doing it, and I'm not going the direct deposit route now. If it's truly harder to process my paycheck for her I have no intention of making this bitches job any easier.

As I'm sitting here, getting more and more pissed, I know exactly what I'm going to do, even as much as it hurts to pull money out of savings I'm going to pull out $200.00 in cash. (I'm a big fan of cash availability.) I'm also going to transfer $2000.00 from savings to checking so that I can ride out any more crap like this in the future. (Should it occur again.)

And tomorrow, if there's no check, I'll be calling payroll with the boss present, with her and I on speaker phone, so he can hear this silly bitch rant and rave.

The saddest part of all this is I don't care if they screwed up and simply forgot to mail the damn check. I just want it mailed. Mistakes happen. Should this be the case and she simply forgot to mail it, she'll never admit to it though. She's not the type of person who admits to making a mistake in my opinion.


Bouncin' Barb said...

You can bet if the big boss didn't get his paycheck (whether it's directly deposited or mailed) it would have been resolved the very next day. These kinds of employees really piss me off. To them it's just a piece of paper. To us it's our livelyhood!

Just Plain Tired said...

Bouncin' Barb -- I was fine with it until I received that phone call. It's really hard to understand some people's thought processes. I'm sure if this woman had to wait over a week for her check she'd be upset too. Not that that is likely to happen though since she does the payroll.

Dazee Dreamer said...

God. Why do people like her work in payroll. I tried not doing direct deposit, but now I'm really glad I do. I don't have to stress about will it be there in the mail. Did the mailman leave it with someone else. Plus I always hated having to go to the bank.

I hope that you get it soon. but maybe not tonight because i want to see a post on the phonecall. I'm rotten that way, but hey, I need to get my excitement somehow

Anonymous said...

Omigod what a skank! What a horrid way to begin the New can only get better from here, right? RIGHT??!?!?

Mrs Midnite said...

Surely they must understand its important to pay the staff. Lucky you have some savings. What a bitch for not understanding and helping out.

blueviolet said...

I don't understand why she got all out of sorts over it. Geez!!! She must have had one seriously crappy holiday.

Gail said...

Ah, be kind, she could have been molested as a child and goes through life with this burden, reacting adversely to any male...or she could just be a bitch that forgot to mail the check. She sounded awfully defensive to me.

Good luck, I look forward to hearing the story. Remember to look at the postmark to see when it was truly mailed.

gaijinwife said...

Oooh, I hope it's both waiting at home and not waiting at home at the same time! Would like to hear how putting the bitch on speaker phone with the boss around goes. Highly entertaining. Hope you get your cigarettes at least...

ChiTown Girl said...

I'm so sorry that I laughed through most of this post, because quite frankly, the whole situation sucks donkey balls.

I was merely reading with a big goofy grin until I got to "I informed the bitch that..." For some reason this caused me to guffaw loud enough for my son to ask me, from another room, what I was laughing about.

As much as I want your check to have been there tonight when you got home, I'm kinda hoping it wasn't. And I'm wishing I could be a fly on the wall tomorrow when you call the bitch. ;-)

middle child said...

I think you need to pay this girl from payroll a little visit. (Bring witnesses). You seem a very patient man, understanding and kind. You gave her every opportunity to help you in a timely and friendly manner. Just stroll over there and tell her you realize how busy she is and that you thought you'd come help her out by picking up your check in person.

knancy said...

The last place I worked had a real bias against anyone not electing direct deposit. The paper paychecks would be mailed from corporate office to my place of employment and I would have to go to the HR office to pick it up. Everytime I did this I would get a short lecture about how great direct deposit was sometimes with light threats that paper checks would not always be an available alternative! My death looks at the HR person finally shut up her brainwashed litany. And all she had to do was spread the paper checks out on a little table in her office for me to riffle through to find mine. Really hard task! Friggin' corporate robots - can't stand them.

Sarahf said...

I can't believe your company ask you to wait a week before asking about a check when you get paid every two weeks. That's pretty harsh.