Sunday, January 9, 2011

Where A Handshake Can Go Wrong

Being young, single, and in search of love in Somalia recently took a hit. Somali Islamists have banned unrelated men and women from shaking hands. They've also banned them from speaking to each other and walking together as well. Courtship isn't a high priority in this society.

But there is some good news to report. Somalians are still free to hi-jack oil tankers and demand ransoms, thus stimulating their economy. They still have the freedom to kill, kidnap, and torture foreign aid workers delivering food to the poor of their country. After all, who wants to keep people from starving to death?

I think I could get on board and support this handshaking ban though. After all it is the flu season and the less handshaking the better as far as spreading the flu goes. Hungry and starving people are especially prone to illness as well. So there's no sense in encouraging handshakes. Rumor also has it crazy Islamists don't wash their hands after potty breaks. Who wants to shake their hands anyway?

Naturally I may have to rethink this if Somalia doesn't have a flu season. The whole not washing your hands after taking a piss though should be sufficient enough reason not to shake hands if that were the case.

These extreme Islamists take this ban seriously though. When they're not cruising the high seas in search of oil tankers to hi-jack the punishments rendered have ranged from public whippings, imprisonment, and even executions. They actually stop traffic and search buses and cars looking for these violations. Now that's dedication, huh?

Prior to this latest ban they also have banned women from working in public, thus ensuring an ever increasing population shoved deeper into poverty and going ever more hungry. This has been a smashing success as more foreign aid workers are needed to supply food to an increasingly starving population, thus ensuring they have an adequate supply of foreign aid workers to kill and torture.

Another thought just occurred to me about this latest ban. Maybe, just maybe, these Islamic terrorists aren't the homophobic assholes we've always thought they are. By banning men and women from shaking hands, walking together, and speaking to one another they're actually developing an alternative life style for their population. If they were to develop more homosexual relationships among their population the birth rate would drop and less people would be starving to death. Maybe there's a method to their madness after all.

Or....

they're just simply power hungry terrorists bent on keeping women considered as 2nd, or even 3rd class citizens. They could simply be insecure and crazy men, taking from some accounts, a peaceful religion, and obscenely turning it upside down and perverting it to suit their own hateful way of life. Smart money would in all probability go with this theory.

12 comments:

Bouncin' Barb said...

BRAVO!!! My first thought is that they skip the handshaking, handholding, walking together thing and just go straight to f**king because there are way too damn many babies being born daily. And it's not up to other countries to keep "helping". Great post.

blueviolet said...

Interesting priorities they have over there. Interesting and psychotic!

Dazee Dreamer said...

thank god I've decided that I'm not shaking hands. not to mention the carpal tunnel kills when you shake. (good thing I'm not a man, huh, you know shake, shutting up)

darev2005 said...

Another one of those places I've scratched off my vacation list. I would love to see it through the video camera on the nose of a cruise missile, tho. It seems certain countries are like cockroaches and should just be sprayed with DDT and then stomped on.

Venom said...

Makes the now popular fist bump seem like plain old common sense to me.

The Blogger Formerly Known As said...

I suppose The Beatles’ I Want To Hold Your Hand would be the musical equivalent of the Satanic Verses?

gaijinwife said...

LOL at above comment.
What a very depressing country.

Gail said...

Great post.

Reckmonster said...

Great post. I think that instead of banning the handshaking during flu season - they should only ban handshaking during hijacking season (which apparently lasts year-round).

And maybe I'm just getting UBER cynical, but I am almost for advocating for the U.S. developing an isolationist policy - and concentrating on fixing all of the BS we have going on HERE rather than rushing out to help everyone and their brother outside of our borders. That's probably just my crappy mood talking right there...lol

the fly in the web said...

Who says it's a peaceful religion....?
And why are we not sending a gunboat to sort them out?

Bring back Lord Palmerston.

Samantha Dugan said...

Yup, that will solve all their problems, stop touching yucky girls. Love it when five year old fears become policy....

dbs said...

Whoa. I am going to learn so much from you.