Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Crazy Knows No Bounds

I usually have Monday's off, and this was the case this week, along with today. A part of me wished I had been at work though yesterday. As is common with our company we have a meeting twice a month, and always on a Sunday. These are mandatory meetings to attend. (Which is no hardship generally, usually we're all working on weekends anyway. On the rare occasion one of us is off the boss rotates this fairly well to make sure it isn't the same person having to come in on a day off for a 30-45 minute meeting.)

This past Sunday he was the one scheduled off. While he's not a stickler for timeliness when it comes to the Worthless Co-Worker he does insist on being on time for these mandatory meetings. He rants and raves at her every time she's late for a meeting to no avail. This Sunday was no exception.

Honestly they both drive me nuts when it comes to tardiness. Our time clock registers time in 15 minute increments. As an example, if you're scheduled to be at work at 9:30 am and you punch in at 9:37 am, it still registers as 9:30 am. One minute later, it would show 9:45 am. On normal workdays they both play this scheduling quirk to their advantage. It allows them to be 7 minutes late and punch out 7 minutes early and suffer no time loss. They also use it for lunch breaks as well. Timed right, their 30 minute lunch break can be 44 minutes long. In essence they're not on the clock for about 30 minutes a day, but still get paid as if they were. While this seems insignificant, it does add up in the long run.

(The point of the previous paragraph is to point out I'm a bit "old school" when it comes to my job. If I'm getting paid for 8 hours I'm actually on the job for that amount of time. Plus tardiness is a pet peeve of mine, whether work related or not.)

I've pointed out this inconsistency many times to him. He can't expect her to be on time for meetings and let her slide every other day. Along with that it's his example she follows as well, which he doesn't like to hear, but very true.

So Sunday.

I'm there 15 minutes early and so is he. (He adheres to being on time for meetings himself.) We're sitting there shooting the shit, waiting for the Worthless Co-Worker to show up. I wonder aloud how late she'll be and he's all over it. He's confident that as often as he chews her out about being on time for meetings this is the one she'll finally be on time for.

(I offered to wager $10.00 on it but he declined. I think he's been burned a little too often.)

So 10:00 am rolls around and no Worthless Co-Worker. 10:05 comes to pass and no Worthless Co-Worker. He's doing a slow burn. He took no solace in my comment about her tardiness being no skin off my back as I was scheduled to work all day anyway.

(I'm pretty sure I heard him "think", "Fuck you Just Plain Tired." No it wasn't said aloud, just a thought of his I caught clearly.)

Now it's getting close to crunch time, 10:07 am rolls around and I hear the sound of someone running down the mall. Naturally it's her. She's like some old bag lady or something. She has a purse, and generally two other canvas type bags on her when she comes to work. So she's burdened down with 3 bags in essence, a flapping coat, and running in high heels. It's a comical site to behold and one I don't get to see very often. Now the guys at the Verizon kiosk in front of our store see it often and look forward to this daily dash when she's scheduled to open the store.

So she gets punched in, with seconds to spare as far as the quirky time clock is concerned. The boss is staring her down with a mean, stern, and "bossly" like look. Utter. Fail. Once she's punched in she heads to the back room to dispose of all the crap she carries in with her and her coat.

I then calmly state that "it looks like we'll get this meeting started in about 10 minutes." The boss turns his mean look upon me, as I'm smiling at him, and states quite clearly that that wasn't going to happen. I just smiled and waited. He did that slow, but ineffective burn. (And I have to admit he was right. While I didn't actually time her I think she made it out of the back room in 9 minutes. She had to finish putting on her makeup, a daily ritual for her that never gets completely done at home.)

During this time frame he mutters to me he's going to have it out with her, tomorrow though. He didn't want me present because it just isn't right to chew out an employee in front of another employee. Which I happen to agree with. But I also know that's not the real reason. He knows I'd be grinning the whole time, if not actually laughing at the two of them. So she's to get chewed out on Monday, my day off.

My small desire to actually have been at work yesterday has nothing to do with her getting chewed out though. His meaningless and ineffective rants at her mean nothing to me. I missed something else though.

(And yeah, I know you people just read a bunch of paragraphs already and we haven't even hit the crux of the story yet. But every good story needs to be properly set up. So buckle in and read some more. We're almost done, honest.)

She took the wind out of his sail.

I get a phone call yesterday afternoon from work and it's the boss. (I actually ended up getting two calls from work, but the second one will be shared tomorrow, or Thursday. This post is long enough as it is.)

She turned in her resignation. She did actually give one month's notice though. Apparently her last day is going to be November, 27th. After ascertaining he wasn't joking, I wasn't too surprised. I had her pegged as quitting by the end of the year anyway, and without a notice. I was one month off is all.

The reason she's quitting? She's getting married, to the guy I posted about here. (Seriously, for anyone who isn't up to date with her craziness I recommend reading it. This post is long enough without repeating excerpts of that post.)

So she has a guy she's never met in person coming up here for Thanksgiving and two weeks later they're leaving for Israel to get married. They're going to investigate the Jewish faith and if that appeals to them he's going to become a Rabbi, and she's going to be a Rabbi's wife apparently. This is such a well thought out plan.

While I won't really miss her, the blog will. She's been a great source of blogging material for me. I can only hope the boss finds a suitable replacement for her. He is adept at finding less than stellar people, but I don't think he can top this one. But it won't hurt for me to express this desire to him.

Teaser Alert: Oh, that second phone call I mentioned earlier? It was from her last night and it was, without a doubt, the most amazing conversation I've had with her to date. And yes, I'm going to share it. Settle down folks, and have a little patience, and stuff. Wasn't this a long enough read anyway?


Laura H said...

Aww, only a little while left of worthless.

I'm totally with you on being a stickler for timekeeping at work. It drives me BANANAS when my co-worker arrives after opening, (even though she is the bosses daughter!)
I was always taught to arrive 5 minutes before you have to be on the floor. Is it so hard?

ChiTown Girl said...

I'm really not that worried about losing her as your blog fodder, cuz we all know this 'marriage' thing isn't going to happen, so she really won't be going anywhere. I would imagine she'll be back by the first week of December. And, your boss sounds like such an assbag, he'll take her back!

The Blogger Formerly Known As said...

Oh, I’m going to miss her so much. Unless, she comes back to ask for her job back in the new year, when everything goes wrong.
The enigmatic, masked blogger

Just Plain Tired said...

Laura H - I'm always a stickler on time. I'm usually 15 to 30 minutes early for work.

ChiTown Girl -- I actually think this is going to happen, with disasterous results for her naturally. Her only redeeming quality at work was an ability to sell, which has gone way down hill in the last couple of months. So she's definitely quitting. This psycho marriage thing though, not so much.

TBFKA -- While I could see my boss taking her back, his boss, who detests her, wouldn't allow it. If he only truly knew how bad she was she'd have been gone months ago.

MichelleLCSW said...

OMG! I am scandalized! Worthless co-worker did a MUCH better job here on your blog being the subject of all of our amusement than I suppose she EVER did at your actual place of employment! (Too bad being the butt of the joke on your blog isn't a paying gig for her! LOL)

Dazee Dreamer said...

First of all, I could have kept reading so please don't make us wait too long.

Aren't they allowed to have more than one wife in Israel? Just saying. And hasn't she watched Dateline about scammer guys.

I'm a little bit hoping that your boss hires another worthless co-worker. I've so enjoyed the tales.

I have to be early everywhere. I drives me NUTS when someone is constantly late.

KLZ said...

They're going to "investigate the Jewish faith"?

After going all the way to Israel to get married?


Sarahf said...

I'm with you on the time thing, it's not old school, it's just good manners.
BUT, please keep in touch with her. It may cause you actual pain, but I just can't not know how she goes being a "rabbi's wife" and how that will tie in with her "Christianity". There's just too much comedy to miss out on.

Just Plain Tired said...

MichelleLCSW -- The blog is going to miss her, and stuff.

Dazee Dreamer -- Patience, patience. I'm actually writing it through the day here so I don't forget the conversation. It'll be posted by tomorrow I'm sure.

KLZ -- lol... Exactly!

Sarahf -- It's truly been something to witness I'll tell you. Never, ever would I have imagined a 30 yr old woman being as stupid and so out of touch with reality as she is.

JY said...

Man... just like you to leave us all hanging...But I look forward to it...

Just Plain Tired said...

JY -- Well, um... hang in there, and stuff. ;)

Miss Melicious said...

I am a punctual person. People who are constantly late irritate me to no end. And seriously?! A Rabbi's wife? That's classic, it sucks that she's leaving, I love reading about her!

darev2005 said...

I'm with KLZ. What the snap? That has got to be the most ridiculous story I have ever heard in my life. I can foresee two possible scenarios coming from this. One: she comes back angry and totally humiliated but without learning a single thing. Two: she is never seen on this planet again. I can just see that sanctimonious twit loose amongst the orthodox Jewry. If she makes it there, maybe we can find an Israeli blogger to pick up the story.

Mustang Sally said...

Cliffhanger huh? Your getting really GOOD at this blogging thing.

So, this poor, misunderstood paragon of virtue - that you and your boss are not good enough Christians to meet and who's too broke to spring for a hotel for Thanksgiving weekend - that guy is going to take her to Israel, investigate the Jewish faith and if it APPEALS to them they are just going to dump the Jesus dude and become Rabbi and wife huh? Really?

You might mention that it's a long, WET, walk from here to Israel. Plane tickets, not to mention weddings, cost money. And I would think that becoming a Rabbi is a bit more involved than deciding if it 'appeals' or not.

Just ... wow.

MysteryChick said...

I am compulsively 15 minutes early for everything. If I'm late people are calling to make sure things are OK and I haven't been in an accident.

Somehow I just don't think Worthless Co-worker is going anywhere. A month is just enough time for things to go wrong for a car-wreck waiting to happen like she is!

Just Plain Tired said...

Miss Melicious -- Yeah, now I'm gonna have to think a little harder to come up with posts. Tis very sad, and stuff. ;)

darev2005 -- Those are definitely the same scenario's I see too.

Mustang Sally -- Wow seems to sum it up very well. ;)

MysteryChick -- One moth is a long time, no doubt. But I'm sure she's gone regardless from work. That part I've been expecting no matter what.

KlayeBlayk said...

She's getting married to Crazy Con Guy? WHAT?! She's getting MARRIED to CRAZY CON GUY!?!?! O.O Wow. That's all I can say, WOW. How...crazily stupid. :P

Charlene said...

That's a good story.

I wonder if they have checked out if it is even possible to imigrate to Israel. I've a friend who goes there at least once a year and he said you can only stay 3 months if you have a visa.

Don't dispair about the lack of a foil for your posts. The boss will hire another wackjob. The play continues only the actors change.

crazy ramblings of a tired mom said...

Totally get that. We have an on going office pool on whether one of our co-workers will show up or call in sick. It's a weekly event. I'm starting to think you need to murder someone around here in order to get fired.

Just Plain Tired said...

KlayeBlayk -- Crazily stupid describes her to a tee.

Charlene -- I don't think their intention is to stay in Israel, although I could be wrong. They're thinking of converting to the Jewish faith from what I got out of her addled mind.

crazy ramblings of a tired mom -- I think every work place has someone who is essentially worthless.

Smart Ass Sara said...

I have a feeling that something won't work out as planned (and that'd be a shame since it's so well planned as it is and all) and she'll be begging for her job back December 1. And does she know you don't get a paycheck by being a Rabbi's wife??

Jane said...

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.


Just Plain Tired said...

Smart Ass Sara -- She's an idiot of the highest order, and desperate to have a man in her life. It's actually sad to a degree to watch this train wreck in motion.

Jane -- Yup.

Gail said...

I can barely wait!!!

I think this should be a book, The Worthless Coworker...I know I would buy it.

blueviolet said...

I do have mixed emotions about her resignation. I'll admit it. But hey...we just don't know who her replacement will be. There could be good material there!