Friday, October 29, 2010

Just Some Random Crap Not Involving Holiday Cheer, Or The Worthless Co-Worker For A Change

I hear you folks, really I do as you traverse the mall lamenting the fact that stores are decked out for Christmas already and Halloween hasn't gone by yet. It is ridiculous. (I'm somewhat proud of the fact we don't do this until the day before Thanksgiving.)

But when you raise your voices and decide to tell the peon who works in a particular store your thoughts about this travesty you're wasting your time. They're simply following rules and store policy. Berating them makes you look like an idiot. If this is a true beef you have may I make a suggestion here?

(Of course I can, it's my blog.)

Simply ask for the address and/or phone number to their corporate headquarters. Convey this message to those @$$holes. They're the ones calling the shots. Believe me, we're behind you 100%.

While voicing, or writing your displeasure, there are a few other things you could mention as well. We'd absolutely love you to pieces if you'd let them know how much the following is ridiculous as well:

1) Black Friday should be abolished. Not the entire day, just the ridiculous start of the day. Trust me, getting up at 3:30 am in the morning to be at the store by 4:30 am isn't something I really look forward to. Since we're open 12 hours a day as it is that should be plenty of time to get your shopping addiction in for deals. We might even be capable of pulling off a smile or two that day if we didn't have to get up so damn early in the day. Plus people die that day from your ridiculous stampede for deals, which really aren't deals anyway, every damn year. And the people who camp out all night in front of a store? Total fruit loops of the highest degree.

2) Holiday music doesn't need played from November 1st through the first week of January. While you may wax nostalgic about hearing a Christmas tune from long ago you haven't heard in awhile we're shell shocked by the 2nd week of November.

3) The twelve days of Christmas also need abolished as well. Those twelve days are the ones leading up to December 25th in the retail world. You know the ones, where we're open 18-20 hours a day because you don't possess the ability to get your shopping done in the normal 12 hours a day we're usually open. We have no sympathy for you. As I once asked my parents, two full time working parents with 5 children mind you, if they ever had trouble getting their shopping done back in the dark ages when stores were only open 8 hours a day, and rarely on weekends, the answer was no. It can be done. Get your shit together.

4) Parking. We're ordered to park miles away as far as possible from the mall during this period. While there is validity behind this, because after all, we're trying to fleece you out of as much money as possible this time of the year, you could also raise one tiny issue for us here as well. Shoppers rarely get the "good" parking spots anyway. We have a rather large population of mall walkers, who never shop the mall, they simply walk the mall. Trust me, we have them identified. How much sense is it to allow people who want to walk, park the closest to the mall entrances, so they don't have to fucking walk. We'd love to see their asses towed away.

In closing, raise your voices to the right people. But to tell you the truth the right people are essentially you, the inept and spoiled shopper. If you weren't sheep none of this would occur in the first place. You're the ones who enabled this "corporate greed" you wail about by your actions, and/or inaction. Feel free to cast away your cloak of hypocrisy. Or just simply get your shit together. If you're unable to manage that, keep your mouth shut around us, we're really not interested in hearing about the "corporate greed" you're actually feeding.


FallDown Girl said...

As a former employee of a retailer located in a mega-mall, all I can say is, "Preach on, Brother!" ~~Marie

Miss Melicious said...

Although I don't work at a mall and never have...(the one here only has 4 stores...can't really classify that as a mall), I completely agree. I never did get the American's obsession with Black Friday, we don't have it here in Canada...and that's fine with me.
And I never thought about you guys having to listen to Christmas music for 2 months...that might make me certifiably insane. :)

crazy ramblings of a tired mom said...

I used to work at Penney's (Not one in a mall thank god) And the Christmas music from Nov-Jan. WTF? However I am one of those crazies that do go out on Black Friday, but with the way people are starting be these days, I might just be happy paying full price from now on.

Steph said...

I don't do Black Friday and I have no problems getting my shopping done between regular business hours or from the convenience of my living room.

I hate Christmas music.

MichelleLCSW said...

Rock on with your bad self, JPT! Preach it - because you KNOW you got a trailer load of witnesses to back you up here (of course - we dig you - we read your blog!). Aside from the obvious threat of having to spend eternity afraid of dropping the soap in the prison shower, I really don't know what stops you from stabbing folks straight in their neck when they start acting like tool boxes. And you could TOTALLY plead insanity: that all of the Christmas music they play in the mall - if played backwards - has embedded subliminal messages TELLING you to stab people in the neck. If that didn't work, I would TOTALLY send you commissary money at the prison to keep the thugs away from you! LOL

Charlene said...

You sure have my number.

I'm a mall walker, but in my defense I'm out of there by 8 a.m. As to my buying somethign at the mall, since I'm there before they open and work, you are right. I do not buy things there. What I do is order what I want online and it's delivered to my office usually via free shipping. I think it's been about ten years since I bought a single thing at the mall. If I don't buy it online I buy it at a small store.

darev2005 said...

Tool boxes... hee hee hee! Dude, I haven't set foot in a mall in years. I'd go to yours just to say "hi" but not during the holiday mania. We get what shopping we need done during normal business hours or online and have done so for years. I resist corporate america's attempts at mind control.

Jessica B said...

I am a sheep!
I do Black Friday.
But only because I like to go out and watch all of the crazies.
I would never sleep over night at a store, OR stampede like a freak to buy the latest and greatest. But I cant resist getting up at the crack of dawn to watch masses of people freak out over the fact that they didn't get their ZhuZhu Pet.
As always, Rock on JPT!! :)

Sam said...

I NEVER understood why people like to torture themselves by participating in barbaric holiday shopping traditions. I as a rule stay as FAR AWAY from the mall as possible during the holiday season-I have no interest in being trampled getting through the door and elbow checked getting to the register or having my personal space boundaries violated. You have my deepest sympathy this holiday season JPT-God help you.

thedickdujour said...

The behavior of the mall crazies and the Black Friday loons is part of why I shop online as much as humanly possible! Hang in there, and try not to kill anyone, even if you'd probably be acquitted :)

Sparkling Red said...

Malls during Christmas shopping season are insufferable. I buy almost all my gifts online from the World Vision store, and my peeps get cards that say "Spark bought a goat for this nice family overseas instead of getting you some crap that you don't need." It's easy, I don't have to wrap anything, and it makes me look virtuous! Win win win!

Sarahf said...

I worked in a children's English school in a department school (it's Japan, it's an odd place) for a while. I found myself singing the department store tunes in my sleep, I hear your musical pain.