Thursday, October 28, 2010

A Journey Down Memory Lane

You know, now that the time is nearing that the Worthless Co-Worker will no longer be with us, I've been thinking about the number of "worthless co-workers" we've had here the past eight years. She's not the first by any means, just the most bizarre one to date.

We'll get to that in a minute or so though.

As I was off on Monday and Tuesday a few more details have emerged about the current Worthless Co-Worker. Yesterday I worked all day be myself with no contact from the Worthless Co-Worker. The boss on the other hand called in, I think to make sure I was awake, and to let me in on a few more details.

1) Her resignation has been accepted, and there's no going back on it. He stated she's now having second thoughts though, but too little too late. Once it's in writing, and accepted, it's at the company discretion and they've decided she's done on November 27th, or possibly sooner. A job opening at our location is already posted on our internal intranet as well.

2) Apparently Tuesday was quite interesting. She resigned on Monday, wavered on Tuesday, and thought she could just simply withdraw her resignation. (The boss stated he warned her on Monday if she had any doubts, she shouldn't formally resign. She apparently couldn't be talked out of it then.) So on Tuesday she's pissed and throws the boss under the bus. (No surprise there, I had repeatedly warned him this would some day happen.)

3) A conference call was held involving her, Personal Dept., the boss, and his boss.

PET PEEVE ALERT:  As with any other hip personal department, in their own mind anyway, they are now to be referred to as the "Human Capital Department." Those words will never be uttered by me. I find this new name offensive. Every time I see or hear those words I get a mental picture of a fucking cattle yard. I don't "moo" for anybody.

(Unless she's a hot, young, (but legal) nubile babe. Gotta keep it legal you know. I have no interest in jail time.

Who am I kidding.

At my age just that thought, if dwelt upon too long, would give me a stroke or heart attack. Better keep them hot babes away I guess, for health reasons if nothing else. I'm sure they're relieved as well. I'm quite certain the thought of an old wrinkly dude like me isn't very appealing to them anyway.)

Anyway, back to the conference call.

Since the Worthless Co-Worker is essentially unemployed in about four weeks or less she decided to bring up every imaginable offense or wrong doing of the boss over the past year. So he's in some hot water now as well. Not the firing type of hot water, but some formal discipline to be named later, type of hot water. I'm pretty sure it also involves no pay raise for him at the beginning of the year, and stuff.

4) I received a phone call from the bosses boss yesterday. One of those "hush, hush, what the hell has been going on there" calls. I've known this guy for eight years, which is five years longer than my boss has. He knows I won't "bullshit" him, which I didn't, but definitely cleared up a few things about this crap. The bottom line is my boss is too nice of a guy, and his boss needs to make him meaner. We'll see how that goes.

I think we're up to date now on this latest bit of Worthless Co-Worker news. As stated, eons ago in this post, we've had other less than stellar people here. When we're fully staffed, we're a three person store operation. It seems that the 3rd person is never quite up to par.

(Although we did go through most of 2007, and part of 2008 with a solid crew. Maureen, if you ever find this blog please consider coming back.

That will never happen though, she transferred to another store due to being promoted to store manager there.)

So, other less than stellar people we've had in the past:

1) Alison aka obnoxious bitch.

This woman was in her mid fifties, about 5'3" tall, and every bit as wide as she was tall. Always broke, but a compulsive shopper. Always dieting, but would eat bags and bags of candy daily bragging how well her diet was going because she always skipped lunch. (Honey you didn't skip lunch, you ate all damn day long and you chewed with your mouth open depositing food on your ample chest for all to see and be sickened by.) It's safe to say I detested her.

And while some of you may consider this mean of me, she shopped at Victoria's Secret about once a month, or more, and always insisted I needed to see what she bought to surprise her husband with. Um, no I didn't. While I applaud the fact that your husband and you wanted to keep the "sexy" in your life, I had no desire to entertain the thought of you in skimpy underwear. (And no, not just based entirely on her weight, but I'm an honest person, for the most part, and 325 pounds and skimpy underwear don't compute. No one needs to show me that regardless of their weight though. It's tacky, especially at her age.)

She was a thief. Not the conventional kind though. As part of our salary is based on sales commissions she stole sales. Never from me, because I was on to her. She altered information in the computer to do this. While I knew she was doing this it took months to actually prove it. It was quite a process and too involved to go into details here. (I have a tendency to write long enough posts as it is.) But caught she was, and fired.

2) Lisa aka wannabe teeny bopper

This woman was 60 years old and no man, regardless of age was safe in the mall. She had had so much plastic surgery her face didn't move. Her attire was totally inappropriate and she shopped at teeny bopper stores exclusively.

I remember coming to work one day and finding her pissed off. When I asked her what her problem was she stated "Some guy was in here earlier and said I was probably hot when I was younger, I'm still hot and he was an asshole." We didn't get along very well after that day. I told her I never pictured her as hot, no matter the age, just ridiculous.

She actually broke up a marriage due to having an affair with some guy in the mall. We also had two different wives come into the store and confront her because of her crazy crap with their husbands. While I never got to witness this we had other stores report to us her "actions" with numerous guys in the store when she worked alone. Apparently she put on quite a show.

Oddly she lasted six months due to a very naive boss (not the current one) who just couldn't believe all these nasty rumors about her. This woman was always on her best behavior around the boss and no matter how many people told her about this crap she didn't believe it. Finally, a relative of the boss who was shopping one day witnessed Lisa in action and reported it. Then the shit finally hit the fan and she was fired.

There's been a few others, but I'm already bored with this myself now. Plus I'm getting tired and bleary eyed.

So time with the Worthless Co-Worker is winding down. I'm sure I'll be getting her side of the story later today when I work with her. Should be bizarre and comical. (And yes, I'm going to take full advantage of the time left of her employment for blog filler during the duration of her time with us.)


Corinne said...

Damn I'm going to miss the UC-W!

Tell her to send you a post card so we can all still be in the loop!

JY said...

I think you need to keep in touch with the UC-W so that we can continue to be amused if someone actually worthy comes along!

Laura H said...

Blergh, I hate people like that. You could bend over backward to help them out, but when the time comes, they will throw you under the bus to save themselves.

Jane said...

I can hardly wait for the next worthless co-worker to arrive. The suspense is killing me over here!


Charlene said...

Someone gives you notice they are leaving in 2 weeks, a month, etc., get it in writing and pay them the salary for that remaining time. Get them out of the building within the hour. There is no reason to give them access to anything after they resign.

Human capital? So they are letting you know you as an employee are a means to production, which you are, but that's stupid. I guess you can toss that "we're all family here," attitude which is so popular with huge corporations and small mom and pop businesses. This family stuff is BS.

The third employee role will soon be filled by another insane person. If they are not when they arrive, they will soon realize the role requires it and become crazy.

darev2005 said...

Human capital, eh? They should be honest and call it the Soylent Green Department. "It's made from people!!!" Luckily for my inner peace we all have to wear uniforms at work. I've seen a few of my CW's outside the fences and it's not pretty at all.... Take a notebook to work and write down plenty of quotes. That's always helpful.

Miss Melicious said...

oooo...I love useless co-worker posts!

I once knew this family that all went on this crazy diet. They would eat no carbs all day until 10pm. Then from 10pm until 11pm they could eat all the carbs you wanted. They couldn't figure out why they couldn't lose weight (ALL 4 of them!) Ummm...if you consume 8000 calories worth of carbs in one hours...pretty sure those veggies you had for lunch don't matter.

KLZ said...

So, ultimately, what you're saying is you have no desire to be put into management and manage these morons directly. Am I right?

Just Plain Tired said...

Corinne -- I can do that.

JY -- Well, while the blog will miss her I'm sure I have enough other inane thought to share here.

Laura H -- That bus has been parked here for awhile, and I knew she would eventually fire it up.

Jane -- I'm hoping we get a reprieve on the next hire honestly.

Charlene -- That's what I'm used to. Usually when a person resigns they're told to hit the road immediately. But I guess there are some unemployment law glitches that interfere with that now.

darev2005 -- That term has bugged the hell out of me since they incorporated it.

Miss Melicious -- There are times when you really can't fix stupid, huh? ;)

KLZ -- None. I've turned down store manager twice here since I started. I just simply want to go to work, do my job, and go home now. (I was in supervision in the steel industry for many years. I'm not enamored with that position like some folks are.)

Dazee Dreamer said...

just so you know. you may never stop blogging. repeat after me.



KlayeBlayk said...

That's too bad. No more Worthless Co-Worker for us...

Ah, nevermind. Maybe the next employee will be just as Worthless. :P

Just Plain Tired said...

Dazee Dreamer -- Well, okay, I guess. I actually have enjoyed this blogging stuff. You people have been awesome to get to know through your comments here and your own blogs.

KlayeBlayk -- I'm sure I'll have things to wax poetic about even with her being gone. Tomorrow's post will not be about her as a matter of fact.

Mustang Sally said...

WCW certainly has made for entertaining blog fodder, but I've no doubt that you'll be up to the challenge when she's gone. There's certainly no lack of stupid in the rest of the world.

Just Plain Tired said...

Mustang Sally -- I'm counting on it. I'm sure I can fulfill that role myself at times.

Jessica B said...

Everytime I wrap up reading one of your posts JPT, I am alternately cringing because of your experiences with wackos, and wanting to read more. You crack me up! :)

crazy ramblings of a tired mom said...

Dont expepect the next employee to be any better. In the 11 year I have worked for my company there always seems to be "one" that just doesnt get it. I am in the process of trying to get rid of that "one" right now. But she will only be replaced by another. It's a lose lose situation I'm afraid! On the upside, it does give us ammo to write about!

blueviolet said...

Just as I suspected the other day and based on the fact you've had other worthless co-workers, I know that she won't be the last and there will be plenty of blog fodder!

Jean said...

What a soap opera. Yep...this is retail. Good luck on "Worthless's" replacement.