Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Worthless Co-Worker's Short Day

After having Monday and Tuesday off from work I was looking forward to returning to work yesterday. Not necessarily because I love my job by any means though. (Although I do like my job, just can't drum up some love for it.)

The reason for looking forward to returning to work was a bit evil I must confess. The boss was out of town attending some important type work meeting, probably enhancing his career getting his ass chewed for some performance issue or another. I knew I had the pleasure of working with the Worthless Co-Worker.

This girl loves purple in an insane, unhealthy way. Her living room furniture is purple, or so she says. Special ordered as a matter of fact, because most furniture show rooms don't show purple, much to her consternation.

(I have a feeling some of you know where this is heading. You're evil people too, which gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. At least when it comes to the Worthless Co-Worker.)

For those not sure where this is heading, yesterday was a day reserved to "Combat Anti-LGBT Cyberbullying" due to the recent suicides and harassment of gay people. Wearing purple was a sign of support for this issue.

The Worthless Co-Worker was decked out in purple, because that's all she wears. As she's a phony holy roller it definitely wasn't in support of this issue. She was clueless as a matter of fact to what significance wearing purple meant yesterday. (As I'm sure many people were.) Had she known, she wouldn't have worn purple. Her righteousness and homophobic traits would have kicked in. I'm not even sure she owns any other colored clothes. But had she known about this day, and the significance of purple, she would have called in sick if her wardrobe had no other colors.

When I arrived at work the Worthless Co-Worker was giddy. She couldn't wait to see me. Surprisingly, to me anyway, she had noted a lot of people were wearing purple in the mall yesterday. As I'm known for teasing her occasionally relentlessly about her obsession with purple she wanted me to see the large number of people in purple. This somehow validated her obsession with this color seeing the unusually large number of purple clad people.

I asked her a couple of innocent sly questions to ascertain her ignorance of the significance of the day and she was clueless. No surprise there. I then complimented her on her purple attire and waited to spring a little surprise on her.

Lately she likes to take lunch break outside for "fresh air." When she asked me how nice it was outside I dutifully told her she'd probably like it, but I recommended she wear her jacket if she was heading outdoors to eat. (Naturally, her purple jacket.)

So she heads to the back room to get her jacket and announces she's heading out for lunch. While she's back there I'm making a sign to tape to the back of her jacket that simply states "STOP THE ABUSE." As she comes strolling out of the back room I casually mention to her not to forget to punch out (she's notorious for not punching out) and while she's at the computer punching out the sign gets placed on her back.

And out she goes.

Shortest. Lunch. Break. Ever. (for her anyway)

She's back in the store within 10 minutes, seriously pissed off. Oh. The. Horror. She was accosted and hugged by a lesbian, and profusely thanked for her support.

She was totally berserk. (My laughter wasn't going over well apparently.) After screaming and stomping around the store for a few minutes she announces she's going home.

When I asked if she was coming back her answer was no. Not only does she not have another set of clothes to change into, or she's willing to change in to, she has to take a shower and get the "creepy lesbian aura" washed off. After telling me how hateful I was, and I returning that compliment to her, with that concept completely going over her head, she left.

It's funny how the "more Christian" a person professes to be, the more hateful they really seem to be. She has no comprehension whatsoever.

29 comments:

Jen Daiker said...

This was extremely entertaining! I'm a new follower, and with your writing style I have a feeling I'll continue to be entertained.

I was lucky enough to wear purple yesterday and I had no idea what I was promoting, my ignorance was unnoticed though since at the office most people were unaware. However when I found out I was proud to be sporting my purple (it's the only one I own).

It sounds like overall you were very entertained yesterday. She was still offensive after the whole thing, which is silly, but I don't know if I'd like a sign on my back either... guess all is fair in love and war.

blueviolet said...

If the day ever comes when she leaves that place, you will be so freakin' bored. Happy, but bored!

Charlene said...

She's a train wreck and doesn't even know she's a train.

Dazee Dreamer said...

You are so very, very wicked. And I freaking love it!!!!!!

Just Plain Tired said...

Jen Daiker -- Glad to entertain and stuff. Thanks for stopping in.

blueviolet -- No doubt, she's good blog fodder though. ;)

Charlene -- Yup. ;)

Dazee Dreamer -- Thanks! I knew she'd be pissed, but even I didn't dream she'd go home early because of it.

Jessica B said...

LOL -- that's awesome!
Honestly, I hate when people claim to be Christian and then go ahead and spew hate. I cannot tolerate such ignorance! Ugh. I definitely give you a lot of credit for keeping a smile on your face around that girl!!
Anyway -- also wanted to say, WTG on being positive and supportive to the LGBT community, and not being afraid to say it.

Steph said...

Bahaha... Great idea not to tell her and let her figure it out herself. And I have found that the people that act holier than thou are the worst people.

Miss Melicious said...

That was a great post!!! I loved it! She must live in a hole not to notice...and yes, you are wicked, but wickedly awesome!

Just Plain Tired said...

Jessica B -- She's honestly the most bigoted and judgmental person I know.

Steph -- To me her "holiness" is phony as hell. She talks it, but acts an entirely different way.

Miss Melicious -- She's pretty clueless to most things. ;)

Jan said...

I'm still laughing out loud. I smile at every post, but this was funny funny funny. I can hardly wait for the next update on the clueless one.

Just Plain Tired said...

Jan -- Well, I was hoping people would see some humor here, but I thought maybe some people would think I was a little too mean with this escapade.

Khaye said...

Hahaha... Oh my WORD! You're a trouble!

darev2005 said...

I'd almost hate to say this to anybody, but your sense of humor would be perfect for working in a prison. Me, I just can't resist tweaking brittle people. And poking homophobes is one of my favorite hobbies. They do wiggle so!

Miss Melicious said...

Hey...just so you know...I linked you, it just fit in too perfect with my post. :)

Just Plain Tired said...

Khaye -- Nah, I'm just a goofy old geezer. not much trouble usually. ;)

darev2005 -- Well, my dad worked in corrections for about 25 years. Maybe that somehow rubbed off?

Miss Melicious -- I can see us linked together somehow. (Man that sentence seems kinda weird though.) ;)

michelle said...

Hey you better quit bullying her. :P

I have encountered a "Christian" who posts prayers on facebook and refers to anybody whom she doesn't get along with as "the devil".

MichelleLCSW said...

Oooooh...delightful snickers all over the place!!! This post was delicious! I was literally slapping my leg with giddiness when you got to the part about putting the sign on her back!! Virtual HIGH FIVE, my friend!! That just rocks!! (and it is not mean at all - simply "deserved" in my book!!) snicker snicker snicker

Just Plain Tired said...

michelle -- Since I'm heading to work in a few minutes here I'll consider going easy on her today. ;)

MichelleLCSW -- I'm all for providing a snicker, or three. ;)

Khaye said...

Hahahahahahaha!!! I could've died laughing - heart attack! Thank God, my heart's still healthy. Your "Christian" FRIEND needs to be prayed over. Perhaps YOU could help some! ;p

Note: I'm not a hater, I'm a Christian too! (I just feel the need to clarify) Lol.

Mustang Sally said...

A man after my own heart. If I could find somebody like you maybe I wouldn't have to die single. LMAO Bravo, my friend. Well done.

Sparkling Red said...

I don't know whether to be delighted by your prank or disgusted by her reaction. Some of both, I guess. I'm just sorry I didn't know or I'd have worn purple today. And maybe even a Stop The Abuse sign.

Alicia said...

Sometimes I feel a little bad for Worthless Co-Worker because I don't know much about her. Like, how old she is and things like that. After this though I'm officially on board with berating her at every possible chance. Good work, Sir.

Mrs Midnite said...

Has she heard the Christian idea of love your neighbour, or does this only apply to acceptable neighbours?

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Just stumbled across your blog and absolutely love it. This post is fantastic.

That woman sounds absolutely awful. Ugh. I do think it's hilarious how you wrote that sign for her jacket though. Lol. But yeah, I've noticed that the more "Christian" a person is, the more hateful they are...it's sad. And so ironic. :(

Jean said...

I really got a kick out of your evil joke. Reckon she will forgive you?

JY said...

The label you planted on the back of her coat was icing on the cake! You "evil" dude you! Ha ha ha... Definitely...the loudest Christians are the worst...they seem to forget what they so loudly seem to be proclaiming....

Smart Ass Sara said...

Oh trust me, the more christian or whatever a person is just means that their level for awful is ten times worse. Try working for a Catholic organization once. It's a miracle I didn't commit suicide on the damn clock.

Just Plain Tired said...

It's getting harder to keep up with comments here, but don't stop by any means. ;) They're all much appreciated.

I think I answered her age question before, she's not exactly a kid though, she's 30 years old.

nightowlang said...

That was awesome!! She's 30?! I actually was on my way out the door and went back up and changed into purple when I remembered what day it was. Nice to hear so many people in your area wore purple, didn't see too many people around here. (I do live in the Bible belt though)