Friday, September 24, 2010

A Conversation With The Worthless Co-Worker

A day spent working with the Worthless Co-Worker can range from mildly amusing to damn irritating. Here's a short snippet of yesterday's conversation I had with her.

(While this isn't "word for word", it's pretty damn close.)

Worthless Co-Worker: I'm breaking up with my boyfriend.
Me: How, exactly, does one break up with someone they've never met?
Worthless Co-Worker: Why do you always say things like that?
Me: Because it's true?
Worthless Co-Worker: I don't care what anyone says, we're a real couple with a real spiritual connection and love.
Me: So Face booking, texting, instant messaging, and emailing a dude you've never met, who's supposedly stationed in Guam, makes for a real relationship? Do you even know where Guam is?
Worthless Co-Worker: Yes I do, and he's really there. So don't start telling me he isn't.
Me: Alicia, I really have no clue, nor care, where this guy is located......
Wait a minute.....
How does someone simply break up with someone they're "spiritually" married to? Wasn't it just a couple of months ago that the two of you somehow "spiritually" tied the knot through a weird ass email?
Worthless Co-Worker: We did. And I don't care what you think. We are "spiritually" married.
Me: So now that it's over is there some formal "spiritual" divorce court proceeding that needs to take place? Married people can't simply break up. Even this make believe marriage needs a court sanctioned dissolution I'd imagine. If I were you I'd simply get it annulled, since the marriage wasn't consummated.
Worthless Co-Worker: You just don't understand and are not a spiritual person.
Me: Don't forget, I don't believe in voodoo either. I do have a serious question for you though.
Worthless Co-Worker: What?
Me: After this "spiritual" wedding ceremony you didn't adopt any of the four kids he has did you?
Worthless Co-Worker: How many times do I have to tell you that only one of those kids are his. He told me his ex-wife cheated on him and three of them aren't his.
Me: Alicia, remember the time you directed me to his Face book page? And there, in all it's glory, was a picture of him surrounded by four children?
Worthless Co-Worker: Yes, and so what?
Me: All four of those kids in that picture look exactly like him. Not just simply a close resemblance Alicia. They are mini-carbon copies of him. If he were to go to court to deny fathering them the judge would laugh at him. This is one case where DNA tests would be a waste of time, it's that evident he's the father.
Worthless Co-Worker: I don't even know why I talk to you!
Me: That makes two of us, but answer the question. Did you adopt any of them? I'd hate to see you on the hook for any type of make believe "spiritual" child support.
Worthless Co-Worker: I'm not listening to you any more.
Me: That's nothing new.


ChiTown Girl said...

bwah hahahaha! That was the perfect way to start my day! Now I'm off to have some equally ridiculous conversations at the Hell-Hole!

Just Plain Tired said...

ChiTown Girl -- I'm glad I could give you a good start to your day. ;)

Just SO said...

Seriously? Spiritually tied the knot in an email. Wow. That is crazy and seriously hilarious!

Just Plain Tired said...

Just So -- This girl is seriously out of touch with reality. This is just the tip of the iceberg with her. ;)

KLZ said...

Perhaps she was only in it for the spiritual alimony in the first place.

darev2005 said...

I suspect that you could start a whole different blog just about her. I have a few of those who work at the prison as well. They often scare the crap out of me. Holy snap, this person might be in a position to save my life some day. I'm doomed.

Alicia said...

As much as I wouldn't wish my co-workers onto anyone else, it is nice to know that I'm not the only one forcibly surrounded by the weidest and dumbest people ever.

Just Plain Tired said...

KLZ -- There's always that thought to consider. ;)

darev2005 -- She is excellent blog fodder. And I hope you're never in the position where you'd have to depend on her to save your life.

Alicia -- I think many people run across these type of people. Kind of scary, huh?

Sparkling Red said...

I love that you don't humour her. I find my default response is to humour people, even when they're being dorks. I confront people if it's an important issue, but I try to avoid going there.

Jessica B said...

LOL -- this made me laugh! Seriously strange girl you got working with you there... LOL

Mustang Sally said...

Well personally I don't care if she's on the hook for spiritual child support (I'm evil that way) but PLEASE tell me she's fixed. That kind usually breeds and we really don't need anymore.

Just Plain Tired said...

Sparkling Red -- After awhile it's hard to simply humor her. There's just so many random, incoherent thought processes she throws out on a daily basis.

Jessica B -- Strange is definitely apt description for her.

Mustang Sally -- Oh no, while she doesn't have children yet she definitely wants to have some. God help them if it happens. ;)

Charlene said...

I know people like her.

One thing about her amazing fantasy life:

She can date him virtually without a shower and shaving her legs.

She doesn't have to share her space or food.

No possibility of pregnancy or STD transfer.

No one is spending money on entertainment or gas.

When they break up the marriage, there are no arguments on whose stuff is whose.

There might be a disagreement about whose friends are whose, but if all the friends they have between them are also people neither have met you can zap them with a keystroke.

Just Plain Tired said...

Charlene -- Always a silver lining, huh? :)


I added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit mine and become a follower if you want to.

God Bless You ~Ron

Just Plain Tired said...

TOG -- Thanks for the blessing. Gotta admit your the first to do so in my blog. ;)

anymommy said...

That made my brain hurt. May you have the weekend off from this wingnut.

Sarahf said...

Hahahaha, as much as it might make you insane to ask her about it, I sincerely hope to read all about the spiritual divorce. Hilarious.

tattytiara said...

I think she just spiritually set my brain on fire.

Just Plain Tired said...

anymommy -- I do have to work with her today, but only for a bout 5 hours.

Sarahf -- If it happens you can probably count on it making its way in here. ;)

tattytiara -- Welcome to my world? ;)

Jane said...

This is hillarious! I love it! I'm one of your newest followers - many thanks for your kind comments on my blog.


Just Plain Tired said...

Jane -- Thanks! Glad you liked the post.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Just started reading your blog and love it. Kudos to you for telling her how it is!

Just Plain Tired said...

Kaitlyn -- Thanks! Glad you like it and hope to see you here again. :)