A day spent working with the Worthless Co-Worker can range from mildly amusing to damn irritating. Here's a short snippet of yesterday's conversation I had with her.
(While this isn't "word for word", it's pretty damn close.)
Worthless Co-Worker: I'm breaking up with my boyfriend.
Me: How, exactly, does one break up with someone they've never met?
Worthless Co-Worker: Why do you always say things like that?
Me: Because it's true?
Worthless Co-Worker: I don't care what anyone says, we're a real couple with a real spiritual connection and love.
Me: So Face booking, texting, instant messaging, and emailing a dude you've never met, who's supposedly stationed in Guam, makes for a real relationship? Do you even know where Guam is?
Worthless Co-Worker: Yes I do, and he's really there. So don't start telling me he isn't.
Me: Alicia, I really have no clue, nor care, where this guy is located......
Wait a minute.....
How does someone simply break up with someone they're "spiritually" married to? Wasn't it just a couple of months ago that the two of you somehow "spiritually" tied the knot through a weird ass email?
Worthless Co-Worker: We did. And I don't care what you think. We are "spiritually" married.
Me: So now that it's over is there some formal "spiritual" divorce court proceeding that needs to take place? Married people can't simply break up. Even this make believe marriage needs a court sanctioned dissolution I'd imagine. If I were you I'd simply get it annulled, since the marriage wasn't consummated.
Worthless Co-Worker: You just don't understand and are not a spiritual person.
Me: Don't forget, I don't believe in voodoo either. I do have a serious question for you though.
Worthless Co-Worker: What?
Me: After this "spiritual" wedding ceremony you didn't adopt any of the four kids he has did you?
Worthless Co-Worker: How many times do I have to tell you that only one of those kids are his. He told me his ex-wife cheated on him and three of them aren't his.
Me: Alicia, remember the time you directed me to his Face book page? And there, in all it's glory, was a picture of him surrounded by four children?
Worthless Co-Worker: Yes, and so what?
Me: All four of those kids in that picture look exactly like him. Not just simply a close resemblance Alicia. They are mini-carbon copies of him. If he were to go to court to deny fathering them the judge would laugh at him. This is one case where DNA tests would be a waste of time, it's that evident he's the father.
Worthless Co-Worker: I don't even know why I talk to you!
Me: That makes two of us, but answer the question. Did you adopt any of them? I'd hate to see you on the hook for any type of make believe "spiritual" child support.
Worthless Co-Worker: I'm not listening to you any more.
Me: That's nothing new.