Sunday, September 19, 2010

An Open Letter To Randy Quaid

Dear Randy,

It is with a heavy heart that I find myself writing to you today. After perusing the news this morning I see that you and your lovely wife were once again arrested on Saturday. And yes, your wife is indeed lovely, in a Roseanne Barr sort of way.

But seriously Randy, when you sell a property to someone else, you can't move back into it several years after the sale and claim it's yours when the police show up. That's just not how it works. (It's also not a great idea to destroy the property to the tune of $5000 and burglarize it either. It just makes that claim of yours "that you own the property" much less believable.)

Now you add this latest stunt to the list of transgressions over the past couple of years. Ripping off hotels and credit card fraud weren't enough trouble for you?

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

And yes Randy, you were once mighty. I can recall, with tons of satisfaction and pride the transformation you made in the movie "Independence Day." You went from lovable, bumbling drunk to savior of the world! You sacrificed your life to save us.

And now look at you. Apparently you're homeless, which presents another problem for me to deal with Randy. How can I send this letter to someone who's homeless? I assume you made bail so sending the letter to the jail you were held briefly seems fruitless. I dunno. Maybe a friend or relative will see this though and pass on the gist of the letter to you. I'd actually be pretty stoked if your brother Dennis were to came across this and pass on the disappointment I have in you right now.

(I'd be even more stoked though if your former sister-in-law, Meg Ryan, were to actually see this and pass it on to you. I don't see that happening though. I'm sure she's not a huge fan of any Quaid right now. But one can hope, can't they?)

In closing, I at least hope this letter finds you in good health. While it would be a shame to see "the savior of the world" imprisoned, if that were to actually happen after this latest stunt of yours, at least you'd have a permanent residence to send a letter to. That in itself provides me with some semblance of solace Randy.

Take care Randy.

(Oh, and if you do end up with some prison time I've heard its best not to sleep on your stomach in prison. I don't want to hear how "the savior of the world" had to suffer any more... um... indignities, so to speak, in the future.


darev2005 said...

Well, you gotta think about this whole acting thing. Every time they get another job they have to become a whole different person. Or at least pretend they are someone they are not. After awhile that is going to leave some sort of psychic impressions on your brain. And I have a suspicion that 99% of people who are successful actors aren't really all that stable to begin with. I mean, look at the Quaids in general. Woof....

Just Plain Tired said...

darev2005 -- You might just be right on that. Some seem to very much out of touch with reality.

Gail said...

Maybe he is trying to live up to his role in "Moving" where he starred with Richard Pryor.

Just Plain Tired said...

Gail -- There's always that to consider I guess. :)

Scarlet Ily said...

I think he needs a vacation with Aunt Edna. ;)

Just Plain Tired said...

Scarlet -- I can picture him sitting side by side with her on the station wagon going down the road, in the driving rain myself. ;)

KLZ said...

I wouldn't mind if Dennis Quaid stopped by, period.

But then, I go out of my way not to learn anything about male stars' lives if I find them attractive If they're total douchebags, I don't want to know. They're for looking, not for talking.

Now, please indulge my extreme selfishness and install an email subscription option on your blog. So I can get updated every time you post. Thanks.

PS Here's a tutorial on how to indulge my selishness. Install Email Subscription

Or If you prefer to see the link.

OMG, I just cannot shut up here.

Just Plain Tired said...

KLZ -- Well I muddled through and added a subscription gadget to the sidebar for you. "Techy" type stuff isn't my strong suit but hopefully this is what you're looking for, and hopefully it actually works.

Regardless, thanks for stopping by, much appreciated... and stuff.