Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sometimes The Joy Fades All Too Quickly

As noted in a previous post I'm a smoker.

Along with that fact I also want to confess that it gives me great pleasure to bring a smile to a child's face. There's just something liberating about it.  Children seem to like me, apparently due to my being a smoker.

At least once a week a child will approach me at work, when I'm out on a smoke break trying to mind my own business, and away from people. I don't hang out with people when I'm smoking. I don't "chit chat."

But children are bold, and hopeful.

Invariably one will approach me and with the utmost respect ask me, "Sir, could you possibly spare a cigarette?"

I give them my brightest smile, and reply, "Why I sure could."

Their eyes light up and a smile spreads quickly, and widely, across their faces. As we stand there, me then ignoring the kid, and them staring at me in confusion I then smile a bit myself.

Usually a minute has to pass before the child realizes something is amiss though. They then ask when they're going to receive this promised fire stick. When informed that they're not going to get one their confusion deepens. They all state the same thing, "But you said I could have one."

Their confusion then heads completely south as I point out the error in this by replying, "Uh no, you asked if I could spare a cigarette. I can always spare a cigarette because I'm always abundantly stocked. Having the ability to spare one doesn't translate into actually giving one away, especially to children."

This ends anywhere from the kid slinking off muttering, or a mouthy little shit getting pissed and me telling him to get lost.

But the initial joy brought into their lives is priceless.

23 comments:

BeMistified said...

Oh my gosh that is too funny! Congrats to you for not contributing, not that I care, but still awesome!

Laura H said...

ha! that is too awesome.
It makes me want to take up smoking only so I can pull this on some poor kid.

Mustang Sally said...

Shame on you torturing innocent children that way ... wait I suppose their not so "innocent" if they're bumming smokes from strangers ... carry on

Jane said...

Too funny! I remember asking for candy cigarettes - remember those????

Jane

GoofyGirl said...

Them: Hey, you got an extra smoke?

Me: uh... let's see, 20 in a pack, smoked 2, 18 left... awww no, sorry, no extras in this one. Better luck next time.

(I can be a total bitch, eh?) ;)

Khaye said...

hahaha! you are way MORE amusing than worthless co-worker - ahm i mean EX co-worker.

blueviolet said...

Nothing like putting that special glint in a child's eye and then snuffing it out. That's good stuff!

The Blogger Formerly Known As said...

Good for you! I can just imagine their faces. And yours for that matter :)
The enigmatic, masked blogger

darev2005 said...

Whoop! I pull that one on the inmates all the time. "Hey CO, you got an extra smoke?" "Sure do! I always got a couple extra packs in my lunchbox!" Waaaait for itttt.... "So, you gonna give me one?" "Why no! Whatever gave you that idea?"

Priceless.

Dazee Dreamer said...

you are kind of mean. but I like that about you. :)

CrunchyVTMommy said...

bahahahyoure a crazy f*cker. im dying.

Smart Ass Sara said...

Is it wrong that I enjoy bursting the bubble of kids? And now that I have two it's like endless entertainment. It's terrible. I'm definitely going to hell.

ExtraO said...

Hahaha... wow. Thank goodness you don't give them one.

MichelleLCSW said...

I think Sam over at Rot Du Jour has the same issue with kids asking her for smokes!! I think it's hilarious how you responded, but then again I have a warped sense of humor (which is probably why I enjoy your blog so much! tee hee hee)

Miss Melicious said...

Oh to be a kid again!
Look at you:
Saving the world one kid at a time!

Glenny said...

dam right good on you! I'm going to try that! although I smoke (and was also doing so at that tender age) I would NEVER give one to an under aged child

Charlene said...

Man, kids now days. They should be ashamed for trying to pilfer a cancer stick from you. Let them steal them like we did!

crazy ramblings of a tired mom said...

This is why when I go out to break for a smoke I go sit in my car and read. That way when the little assholes from the Jr. High get out of school and pass by my office, I have a good reason to ignore them with a simple push of a button my window goes up and.....I CANT HEAR YOU! If you cant buy them yourself, then you probably shouldnt be smoking to begin with!

Alicia said...

You're, like, really good at life lessons. :)

Jean said...

In all the years I smoked I would never give a cig to a child.
It will be 4 weeks this coming Saturday Smoke-free for me!!!

Sarahf said...

Evil and yet oh so funny!

Sparkling Red said...

I like your style, man. Give those kids something to think about, you do.

Gail said...

I imagine if I followed you through the day, I would be laughing alot...thank you!