Thursday, November 18, 2010

There Are Days I'm Best Left Alone

So I've been sickly the last couple of days. That pretty much covers my absence here in the world of blogging.

Unlike the stereotype of a sick male, I don't whine about it.

(Not that I don't want to though. It just doesn't do me any good to whine to myself. I don't have a wife or significant other to harass and complain to. Whining to myself seems a bit pointless, because I'm too busy feeling sickly to feel sorry for myself.)

What I do want, when I'm sick, is to be left alone as much as possible. I'm really not that cheerful under normal circumstances, much less when 'illen.

Vomiting as much as I have the last couple of days hasn't been pleasant. Since my stomach was empty for the most part I think I brought my toes up. On a positive note, if I have, there's no more pesky toe nails to be clipped again.

(On a negative note, if I've lost my toes, my feet will appear to have shrunk a bit.

Naturally I'm sure the people who associate shoe size with schlong size will be pointing at me and snickering.

That may be a bit of a kick in the ego's ass.

Of course I'll just stuff my rather large shoes with Kleenex if my toes are missing.

Hey, don't judge me, if you women can fake orgasms I can fake my shoe size.)

I think I'm possibly nicer to customers at work when I'm sick. No that's not quite right, I just seem to be nicer. When I'm sick it clouds my judgement somewhat, so when a customer pisses me off I let a fleeting thought skitter across my mind that maybe, just maybe, they're not as annoying as my sickly mind thinks they are. So many of them get a pass that a not 'illen JPT probably wouldn't let slide.

I also wanted to get them out of the store as quickly as possible because I had vomiting to attend to. Nothing ruins a sale quite like vomiting on a customer's shoes. Plus I'd have to kill them when they'd refuse to clean it up. I'm sure they wouldn't see the logic that it was their fault for simply bothering me when I'm sick and don't want to deal with them. I, on the other hand, see this with much clarity and conviction.

(Then there's that whole prison thing if you kill someone. I'm thinking I wouldn't like that much. I'd have to walk down hallways with my ass firmly planted against a wall for fear of being violated in a most unpleasant way.

Who needs that worry in their life?)

I just smoked my first cigarette since Monday night. I'm sure there are people who would think that's a good thing. I really don't like them people much.

But this not smoking thing was noticed pretty early in the day on Tuesday. Pretty Vietnamese Lady noticed before noon that I hadn't passed by their business on my usual schedule to go outside to smoke. So she decided to investigate.

She popped into the store and took one look at me and decided I needed soup, much to my horror. As sweet as she is, her soup is not what I needed. But there was no sense in fighting it. Her desire to feed me isn't something I even contemplate denying her any more. Even as sick as I felt I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut.

So Wednesday rolls around and she appears in the store with several containers which comprised of soup for the dying and sickly. I now have six bowls sitting in my refrigerator comprising of soup, with warming up and mixing instructions that a rocket scientist would be baffled over. Since I am eating today I just looked these bowls over. I mean right at this minute I was looking at them. Then I opted to call Pizza Hut and order a pizza.

I'm going to have to trust that this will be our little secret folks. Should any of you think about ratting me out to the Pretty Vietnamese Lady, I'll hunt you down, and vomit on your shoes. Or worse, make you eat the soup.

So I'm feeling better today. Thanks to all who commented on my last anemic post. You guys are pretty cool, and stuff.    

22 comments:

JY said...

Glad you're better... hmmm.. tempted to know what kind of medicinal herbs that she put in those containers of soups... I think I'd opt for Pizza Hut as well!

Charlene said...

A little known fact is pizza is much better for a cold than soup!

Sarahf said...

Mystery soup Vs pizza? Pizza will always win, especially where potential vomitting is concerned. Glad you're getting better.

Khaye said...

It's so good that you're back to normal - I mean feeling well again... Hope the Vietnamese Lady finds out and see what she's ought to do. Hehe

MysteryChick said...

A sickly man who went to work, you just might be my hero!

I hope that toe thing works out, it might affect your balance in addition to that whole misrepresentation of schlong size issue.

Glad to hear you're on the mend.

Just Plain Tired said...

JY -- You and me both. ;)

Charlene -- That's good to know. I had an inkling, needed it confirmed though. ;)

Sarahf -- It's hard to beat pizza.

Khaye -- Hey! We most decidedly do not want her to find this out. Silly girl!

MysteryChick -- Nothing heroic about it. If I didn't work those days we may not have opened, we're that short-handed. Balance is everything, and stuff. :)

Jules said...

Pizza after a few days of total illness rather than the pretty lady's soup? Nice...my kind of blogger!

Hope that whole shorter feet thing works out... feel better!

Reckmonster said...

Glad you're feeling better...and I'll gladly take the Vietnamese soup off your hands. I'll even write you up a script (describing the different tastes and yummy points) to give to the pretty Vietnamese lady so that your secret stays SOLIDLY secret. =)

gaijinwife said...

Well you're definitely sounding back to normal. I'd be well pissed off If I vomited my toes up before getting rid of a bit of flummy and thigh first. Hurah to pizza vs soup. Now go wash those 6 containers out and give them back to the nice vietnamese woman. You might just have to tell her you know :)

Gail said...

Pleased you are returning to your normal, cynically, funny self.

Just Plain Tired said...

Jules -- It's hard to beat pizza. ;)

Reckmonster -- Somehow I knew you'd be the person to have my back on that one. ;)

gaijinwife -- Yeah, I'll be returning the bowls tomorrow. Now that I'm feeling better may consider eating some of it. ;)

Gail -- I'm pretty pleased myself. ;)

Christy said...

It is not taking anything away from anyone else when we take some time each day to catch our breath, recharge and restore.

KLZ said...

Well...

If you HAVE lost your toes, that perception might save you quite a bit of trouble in prison.

darev2005 said...

Glad you're feeling better. I was getting worried. Thought you and your old/new squeeze had run off to Reno or something. There should be a special award for those of us who insist on going to wok when we're at deaths door. Usually all we get is static.

Ofthesea said...

I had never heard the toe thing before, and it made me hoot. Here we just say we're "Calling Hugh" when we puke.

Time to add a mistranslated expression to the family arsenal!

Miss Melicious said...

Glad to hear that you're feeling better.

I would've picked pizza too.

blueviolet said...

If you're now feeling well enough to eat pizza, this is a great thing! Sorry you were taken down for a few days...

Jessica B said...

You're back! :)

Lauren said...

Glad your feeling better...nothing worst than being sick and having to still work. Been there, done that...and it sucks!

The Blogger Formerly Known As said...

Pizza’s good for you; it makes your feet grow
The enigmatic, masked blogger

Tresni said...

Smoking - Good on you for trying to quit!
Yes Pizza or Soup I believe Pizza will win always :)

Sparkling Red said...

I would also be hesitant to eat the soup. I mean, I love soup and all, but it's not the time to try new, weird foods when you're just recovering from a stummy flu.

I'm glad that you're feeling better. Working while you're sick super-sucks, for sure.