(Go ahead and read it now, I'll wait for you. There's shit I can do while I'm waiting anyway. I need caffeine, a cigarette, and possibly a piss break as well.
It's a proven fact that a caffeinated and well nicotined "Just Plain Tired" is a much more pleasant person to hang with than one who isn't.
Hanging out with one who hasn't pissed his pants is probably preferred too.)
There's this little dinner fiasco on Sunday night. A dinner fiasco that I wasn't planning on attending until Jackie opened her big mouth. It's hard to be pissed at her because quite frankly her big mouth is one of the things I like about her. I just didn't want to go because I'm not as socially inclined as the hosts of said dinner. Mostly the wife of said dinner fiasco. She's too nice to dislike, but she's exasperating.
So we're going.
But there's weirdness involved. (Yeah, yeah, I know, if I'm involved there's always weirdness involved. Just shut up and keep reading.)
I think I've shown here that my thought process isn't always on target. I have a tendency to over analyze some pretty weird circumstances I've run into and my mind just races from one tangent to the next trying to figure shit out.
The latest thought process involves the perceived threat to my happy singleness. I'm a very much single guy content with life just as it is. It's an uncomplicated and simplistic life that I've fully embraced. It's also one which Jackie has also, or so I thought previously.
There's now an uncomfortable feeling that things are spinning out of control.
Jackie and I are perfect for one another. By that I mean as handy dating material when the need arises. We've known each other for over 5 years now and have bailed each other out countless times when a socially acceptable partner is needed.
We're often referred to as "Harry" and "Sally" by friends and co-workers. Those words have never been uttered by either one of us though. (Until yesterday.) We get to hear how "perfect" we are together, blah, blah, blah... by others, and we just skate around this.
When Jackie decided to prank the boss' wife on Thursday it was funny. It's the type of "funny" that I usually can get on board with.
(And I am on board, even though I'm walking the plank, blindfolded, and about to be shoved into the ocean.)
A phone call yesterday has my mind totally running out of control. It caused me a lest than restful night of sleep, and that's hard to do. All because I'm over analyzing it naturally, or maybe not. I dunno, maybe you people can figure this one out for me. After all, I'm not rocket scientist material.
Jackie: Hey Harry, Sally here.
Jackie: It's a joke, stupid.
Me: Okay, what's up?
Jackie: You have to work Sunday, right?
Jackie: Are you taking a change of clothes to work, or going to wear what you wear to work to this dinner party?Me: I dunno.
Jackie: You need to figure this out, like right now.
Me: Oh, well, I'll probably just go wearing what I'm wearing to work then.
Jackie: How about you not doing that?Me: I'm not going to have time to run home and change comes to mind to tell you the truth. You're meeting me at work to head over there, remember?
Jackie: Pack some shit to wear. You can change at work. Their little get-together's are never formal. You in dress pants and me in jeans don't really match up well. I'm not feeling the dressing up thing so we can both look out of place.
Me: That seems like a lot of work to me, they don't care what we look like.
Jackie: Uh, no. You don't care what YOU look like. There's a difference.Me: If it'll make you happy I'll take a change of clothes.
Jackie: You won't remember. I know you. You're going to blow this off, and tell me you conveniently forgot.
Jackie: That's not happening this time. I'll just bring some for you to change into.Me: Uh, exactly how does that work?
Jackie: Remember that trip you took a couple of years ago to a meeting in Iowa?
Jackie: I've still got a key to your place.Me: You gave it back, and my plant died by the way. I don't think you watered the damn thing to tell you the truth.
Jackie: Yes I did and no I didn't return the key.
Me: Well shit, you need to do that then.
Jackie: Just shut up. You've got a key to my place anyway.
Me: No I don't.
Jackie: Well not to the place I just bought, but to my old place.
Me: Seriously, I don't have a key to your place, new or old.
Jackie: Yes, you do. I left it on your kitchen counter, with a note telling you I wanted someone I trusted to have a spare key. That's why you never got your key back. I've got your back on this one.
Me: Huh. When did you do this?
Jackie: When I was safe guarding your worldly possessions when you went to Iowa.
Jackie: You lost my key?
Me: Um, not technically. I don't remember any of this.
Jackie: You lost my key?
Jackie: You lost my key?
Me: Wait. Hey there's a key on top of the microwave here. I guess it's yours. I don't remember a note though. It isn't mine though, so it has to be yours. I guess I've kind of wondered about it.
Jackie: You've kind of wondered about it?
Me: Well yeah. Keys open shit up so I never tossed it. I thought maybe it was important.
Jackie: You're trying to throw me off track here. I know you remember this. I will be bringing you a change of clothes. You're lucky I have patience with you. You can't function without me honestly.
Me: What does that mean?
Jackie: Just that, I have patience with you.
Me: I function just fine.
Jackie: Yeah, as a totally unaware and clueless male you do. I provide a much needed balance to your life.
Me: Well, yeah, as my best friend that's entirely possible.Jackie: See, I'm important to you.
Me: I guess so.
Jackie: You guessed right, and I have patience.
Me: Okay then.
Jackie: You are so laughable. You avoid some things like the plague. I'll see you Sunday, with a change of clothes mister.
Me: Uh, bye.
I know she stated I'm both unaware and clueless, but I'm not that clueless, or am I? I mean she's goofy as hell and I love that about her. She speaks whatever comes to her mind without holding back. So it's possible she simply does have the patience to put up with me as only any true best friend would. Or her patience is of a more sinister type. The type of patience that threatens the status quo of friendship.
Fuck, I don't do this type of crap well. Why are women so damn complicated?