Saturday, November 6, 2010

We're Like "When Harry Met Sally"?

Unless you've read the last post this post probably won't make much sense to you.

(Go ahead and read it now, I'll wait for you. There's shit I can do while I'm waiting anyway. I need caffeine, a cigarette, and possibly a piss break as well.

It's a proven fact that a caffeinated and well nicotined "Just Plain Tired" is a much more pleasant person to hang with than one who isn't.

Hanging out with one who hasn't pissed his pants is probably preferred too.)


There's this little dinner fiasco on Sunday night. A dinner fiasco that I wasn't planning on attending until Jackie opened her big mouth. It's hard to be pissed at her because quite frankly her big mouth is one of the things I like about her. I just didn't want to go because I'm not as socially inclined as the hosts of said dinner. Mostly the wife of said dinner fiasco. She's too nice to dislike, but she's exasperating.

So we're going.

But there's weirdness involved. (Yeah, yeah, I know, if I'm involved there's always weirdness involved. Just shut up and keep reading.)

I think I've shown here that my thought process isn't always on target. I have a tendency to over analyze some pretty weird circumstances I've run into and my mind just races from one tangent to the next trying to figure shit out.

The latest thought process involves the perceived threat to my happy singleness. I'm a very much single guy content with life just as it is. It's an uncomplicated and simplistic life that I've fully embraced. It's also one which Jackie has also, or so I thought previously.

There's now an uncomfortable feeling that things are spinning out of control.

Jackie and I are perfect for one another. By that I mean as handy dating material when the need arises. We've known each other for over 5 years now and have bailed each other out countless times when a socially acceptable partner is needed.

We're often referred to as "Harry" and "Sally" by friends and co-workers. Those words have never been uttered by either one of us though. (Until yesterday.) We get to hear how "perfect" we are together, blah, blah, blah... by others, and we just skate around this.

When Jackie decided to prank the boss' wife on Thursday it was funny. It's the type of "funny" that I usually can get on board with.

(And I am on board, even though I'm walking the plank, blindfolded, and about to be shoved into the ocean.)

A phone call yesterday has my mind totally running out of control. It caused me a lest than restful night of sleep, and that's hard to do. All because I'm over analyzing it naturally, or maybe not. I dunno, maybe you people can figure this one out for me. After all, I'm not rocket scientist material.

Jackie: Hey Harry, Sally here.
Me: What?
Jackie: It's a joke, stupid.
Me: Okay, what's up?
Jackie: You have to work Sunday, right?
Me: Yup.
Jackie: Are you taking a change of clothes to work, or going to wear what you wear to work to this dinner party?
Me: I dunno.
Jackie: You need to figure this out, like right now.
Me: Oh, well, I'll probably just go wearing what I'm wearing to work then.
Jackie: How about you not doing that? 
Me: I'm not going to have time to run home and change comes to mind to tell you the truth. You're meeting me at work to head over there, remember?
Jackie: Pack some shit to wear. You can change at work. Their little get-together's are never formal. You in dress pants and me in jeans don't really match up well. I'm not feeling the dressing up thing so we can both look out of place.
Me: That seems like a lot of work to me, they don't care what we look like.
Jackie: Uh, no. You don't care what YOU look like. There's a difference.
Me: If it'll make you happy I'll take a change of clothes.
Jackie: You won't remember. I know you. You're going to blow this off, and tell me you conveniently forgot.
Me: Probably.
Jackie: That's not happening this time. I'll just bring some for you to change into.
Me: Uh, exactly how does that work?
Jackie: Remember that trip you took a couple of years ago to a meeting in Iowa?
Me: Yeah.
Jackie: I've still got a key to your place.
Me: You gave it back, and my plant died by the way. I don't think you watered the damn thing to tell you the truth.
Jackie: Yes I did and no I didn't return the key.
Me: Well shit, you need to do that then.
Jackie: Just shut up. You've got a key to my place anyway.
Me: No I don't.
Jackie: Well not to the place I just bought, but to my old place.
Me: Seriously, I don't have a key to your place, new or old.
Jackie: Yes, you do. I left it on your kitchen counter, with a note telling you I wanted someone I trusted to have a spare key. That's why you never got your key back. I've got your back on this one.
Me: Huh. When did you do this?
Jackie: When I was safe guarding your worldly possessions when you went to Iowa.
Me: Huh.
Jackie: You lost my key?
Me: Um, not technically. I don't remember any of this.
Jackie: You lost my key?
Me: Wait. Hey there's a key on top of the microwave here. I guess it's yours. I don't remember a note though. It isn't mine though, so it has to be yours. I guess I've kind of wondered about it.
Jackie: You've kind of wondered about it?
Me: Well yeah. Keys open shit up so I never tossed it. I thought maybe it was important.
Jackie: You're trying to throw me off track here. I know you remember this. I will be bringing you a change of clothes. You're lucky I have patience with you. You can't function without me honestly.
Me: What does that mean?
Jackie: Just that, I have patience with you.
Me: I function just fine.
Jackie: Yeah, as a totally unaware and clueless male you do. I provide a much needed balance to your life.
Me: Well, yeah, as my best friend that's entirely possible.
Jackie: See, I'm important to you.
Me: I guess so.
Jackie: You guessed right, and I have patience.
Me: Okay then.
Jackie: You are so laughable. You avoid some things like the plague. I'll see you Sunday, with a change of clothes mister.
Me: Okay.
Jackie: Bye.
Me: Uh, bye.

I know she stated I'm both unaware and clueless, but I'm not that clueless, or am I? I mean she's goofy as hell and I love that about her. She speaks whatever comes to her mind without holding back. So it's possible she simply does have the patience to put up with me as only any true best friend would. Or her patience is of a more sinister type. The type of patience that threatens the status quo of friendship.

Fuck, I don't do this type of crap well. Why are women so damn complicated?


Corinne said...

Hmmm I sometimes have to tell myself to "stop being such a woman" we really are quite difficult aren't we. Although her hints are quite obvious, maybe you could shag her and see how it goes?? You'll be jepordising your friendship but to be honest I think you'll be going down that road anyway, may as well get a bit of nooky while you're at it!!

Just Plain Tired said...

Corinne -- You know, you do come out with common sense suggestions when you're here. Not exactly what I had in mind for this situation though. ;)

Miss Melicious said...

NO! Don't shag her(yet)! (See us women are full of mixed messages!) Besides, sometimes the best friends make the best mates.

It sounds like you're starting to see her in a different light?!

Dazee Dreamer said...

I think you two have an awesome relationship and you are just being a man. hey, you are a man. ok. go with the flo. I love to see people that act like you two.

PS: I love how you always write thte whole conversations.

Miss Melicious said...

sorry :( fuckin' blogger comments

Just Plain Tired said...

Miss Melicious -- No intentions of shagging here. She's just scaring me now. ;)

Dazee Dreamer -- I'm hoping she's just messing with me quite frankly. I wouldn't put it past her.

Miss Melicious -- Got that comment fluke fixed for ya. ;)

BeMistified said...

I have one of you, a Harry :) You guys get so humorous when we do certain things. We try to see how far we can go before y'all say "woh" or to see what we can get away with. :)

Charlene said...

You two will be married in 6 months. You won't be living together but you'll be married and your apartment will be re-decorated.

MichelleLCSW said...

OMG...JPT - our lives are having a strangely Twilight Zone kind of parallel right now...(if you've read my last two posts). I say - DON'T DO IT! Keep your BFF status intact (but I say that as a completely biased person right now!). And as always - your posts continue to be hilarious!

Gail said...

Wonderful post as usual.

I have no answers, just by it by ear and see what happens.

Smart Ass Sara said...

This would be the "trouble" I believe I mentioned in my last post. First off, it's weird she's all comfortable with going to your house to get you another outfit. How would she know where your casual stuff is? She either plans to ransack your stuff OR she already did. ;)

Alicia said...

Oh, yeah. From a girl's point of view she totally wants you to ask her to marry her at this party "as a joke" but not really. Jackie totally has the hots for you, and much more than she lets on. We girls are a crafty breed.

Just Plain Tired said...

BeMistified -- I'm hoping that's all she's doing. ;)

Charlene -- Wanna bet? ;)

MichelleLCSW -- Honestly I think she's pranking me a bit. I'd hate to lose her as a friend, she's awesome in that category.

Gail -- Thanks. I have no answers either. ;)

Smart Ass Sara -- I know, you called it in the last post. I had that same uneasy feeling. She's been at my place plenty over the years to know where my stuff is as far as clothes go.

But as a follow up, she's not actually gonna have to grab the clothes. I'm planning on hauling a change myself to work, if I remember anyway. ;)

If I don't remember, she'll live.

Alicia -- I think you gals can definitely be crafty. :) I'm honestly hoping she's just messing with me. I mess with her often enough, just not about a relationship though.

Mustang Sally said...

I will just point out that if she's your friend, she's obviously got a twisted sense of humor (I mean that in the best way) and she's been around long enough to know how to push your buttons. I'd think is quite possible she's messing with you.

I don't actually know either of you though. I would usually advise you to trust you gut, however I've found when it's the type of situation that makes me paranoid, it's damn difficult to tell the difference between what's paranoia and what's gut feeling. I get the feeling that's where you're at.

It's never wise to 'borrow' worry though. Maybe you ought to just roll with the flow, until something actually happens before you start planning ways to let her down easy eh?

Just Plain Tired said...

Mustang Sally -- A voice of reason! You know, she's always been a direct person, no games, kind of gal. (and an excellent practical joker) I'm going to be very relieved, and hopeful, that I'm the butt of a joke here.

gaijinwife said...

over analyzing - that's our job. Excellent conversation. Made me giggle. Good luck with that and I hope she brings you something fabulous to wear for dinner - preferably slacks and a shirt and not a meat dress.

Francis Hunt said...

Definitely overanalysing - and all that before anything has even happened! I should know, it's something I'm an expert in myself.

Remember the wise words of the prophet John (Lennon):
"Life is what happens to youwhile you're busy making other plans ..."
Enjoy the party!

Internation Musing said...

Women complicated? You are indeed clueless.))
Enjoy your Sunday:)

darev2005 said...

Sometimes you just gotta grab on with both hands and go for the ride. Do yourself a favor, tho. Pick out what you want to wear and stack it on the bed before you go to work. That way you'll have something comfy to feel weird in.

Just Plain Tired said...

gaijinwife -- Now you've got me wondering what a meat dress is, and if I'd look good in it. ;)

Francis Hunt -- Wise words indeed.

Internation Musing -- I am. No argument there. ;)

darev2005 -- Now that's practical advice. But I already have some packed. (Now I've got to remember to take them though.)

Christy said...

Sounds like y'all should just elope.

Just Plain Tired said...

Christy -- No! Go find some soap, you need your mouth washed out. ;)(Or maybe your keyboard in this case.)

aims said...

just plain simple... yer awesome... women aren't complicated we just want you to think we are. just like you boys don't think much but you like us to think you do. ;)

thanks for following my 'new/old' blog!!! i got your link on my 'they love me!' page! cause again... yer awesome!

Sarahf said...

Any chance she read your blog? Maybe she thought she'd play with all your readers a little bit. And you, obvs.

Sam said...

sounds to me like you aren't really single anymore there.